Battles

Whew!  We made it through Saturday.  For me, it was a pretty productive day, I got a lot of house cleaning done, which means that my boys were entertaining each other while I was busy.  That, of course, led to the full spectrum of fighting, taunting, tantrums, whining and stomp-offs.  When we try to redirect Israel, he takes it to heart and begins self-deficating.  Complimenting Zach has the same effect.  If we say, "Wow Zach, you drew a good 'Z'", Israel's comment will be, "I'm the worst at drawing Z's.  You like Zach's Z's way better than mine.  I'm a bad kid."  This, is always accompanied by tears, and sometimes hitting himself in the head.  Everything with Israel is a comparison and he automatically assumes the worst.  Sometimes he reacts so dramatically to the smallest thing, that my husband will say, "We're not giving out any Emmy's today, kid."  It is so frustrating, and this is not the Autism, but these are all symptoms of ADHD.  The Autism does complicate things tremendously though, because not only does Israel have his own sensory issues that make him react in unpredictable and annoying ways, but Zach is also constantly reacting to stimuli, and Israel is often the outlet of his outbursts.
Yesterday's challenge was in trying to get Israel to drink enough caffeine to even out his mood/ hyperactivity.  This becomes a challenge if I am not constantly sitting next to him to remind him to take another drink.  He is also starting to resist the caffeine therapy, he says it makes him sleepy.  Can't wait to have him diagnosed, I know he's not happy with things the way they are.  My happy moment for yesterday, was that Israel fell asleep immediately, it didn't take an hour of struggle and torment to get him to sleep.  What a gift for both of us!  Israel has taken in 3/4 cup of coffee today, which seems to work better than any other form of caffeine, and he is so helpful, happy and relaxed today.  Coffee is amazing!
Zach had a sudden and aweful stomach flu last weekend, and has been a little "off" since, a little less active, and considerably less talkative, particularily when stimuli are bothering him.  He is acting more and speaking less.  I think his Early Childhood teacher was very in tuned to him and knew how to encourage him to talk about how he was feeling inside, so that when he felt like his body needed to be squished (Autistic children often derive a comfortable escape from sensory overload by having pressure applied to their bodies or mouths-chewing) he could tell us what he needed.  Today, for instance, Israel was jumping on my bed, which was giving him some sort of inner peace, but Zach was laying on the bed next to where Israel was jumping, and the stimulus was bothering him.  Usually, Zach would say, "Israel, stop jumping!" with a scowl, and then we could draw out of him that it was bothering him, but today he doesn't feel like talking much, so instead he started to throw his own legs under where Israel was jumping, making Israel lose his balance.  It makes it much more difficult when Zach doesn't tell us what he needs.  It was hard to tell if he was trying to trip Israel so that he would land on him, giving him the pressure-therapy he was seeking, or if the stimulus was just simply annoying him.  Letting him know that he needs to tell us what he needs with words, so we can help, was equally difficult.  For as much as Zach was not going to talk, he was equally unwilling to listen to reason, he was already past a point of being able to "be with us" in the moment.  He stuck his hand in my face, as if to say, 'Back off', self-comforted by gently brushing the excess portion of his pillowcase over his nose and mouth, and then played with water in the bathroom sink.  The movement and sensation of water seems to calm him, so I indulge him, even though it is messy. 
Tomorrow starts another busy week, but at least there are only 2 days of school for the boys this week.  I promised Israel if he is good on Monday, that I will bring him a special lunch and eat with him on Tuesday.  I am hoping that will be incentive enough for him to behave at school.  Last week he was sent home early twice for spitting and acting wild.  We started giving him caffeine for breakfast on Tuesday, and sending some with him, and it seemed to help a lot, but he didn't get enough caffeine on Friday, and was causing constant problems for his class, spitting on kids and his teacher.  They have threatened to make him wear a mask if he doesn't stop spitting.  I can't imagine what that would do to his self-esteem.  I have asked him so many times why he does it and the answers range from "I was distracted" to " I have icky stuff in my mouth."  I am starting to wonder if he is having swallowing issues, which can be common with Autistic kids, but we haven't noticed it until recently.  I am so greatful that his teacher and helpers are patient but firm.  As much as threats bother him, it seems like whatever is driving his body to do these behaviors is stronger.  This weekend he was grounded from playing with his friend, the computer, and the iPod.  It has been hard on him, but he understands that if he makes bad choices, he gets priveleges taken away.  He has appologized to me a lot this weekend, sometimes in an effort to get me to change my mind about the punishment, and sometimes genuine.  It is a start.
Sundays are all about family time.  Since I lost my job, my husband has been working 6 days a week and we haven't seen much of him, so we have been spending Sundays watching movies and playing games.  It always makes for a good day, but these weekends go so fast!  Tonight, we will make the shift back into "school mode" and there will be a little grumbling, but by the time the buses come to pick them up, we'll have hit our stride.  And that is when I begin to hold my breath and pray my phone doesn't ring!