I will admit it, with two boys on the spectrum, our lives are pretty chaotic most of the time, but when my boys are gone, I sure do miss that chaos. My mom has them for a few days, and even though the quiet time with my husband has been nice, I am eagerly awaiting having them back home to kiss their cheeks and rub their backs. I know there will be fighting and whining, but I say, BRING IT ON!
My husband was talking to a friend, and telling them what it is like to raise two Autistic kids, and he brought up the dark comments they make, which I hadn't thought about collectively too much. Israel began making dark comments at the age of six, right before he was diagnosed. When Garrett would wake him for school, he would tell him, "I'm going to cut your head off" and if something really small would bother him, he would announce that he was going to kill himself. This could be brought on by something as small as forcing him to decide what he wants for breakfast. Zach has said really dark things to Garrett as well, like that he wants Garrett to die, and he used to tell him to go away when Garrett would try to give him goodnight kisses or even stroke his hair. Israel doesn't say the darkest things anymore, but he does get really down on himself when he makes a mistake, and says that he's the worst, and the stupidest. I think that is ADHD talking, but we still haven't had him diagnosed. Now that the chaos of Christmas is done, we will get him an appointment. All of it makes me wonder what kind of darkness they are living with every day. They know they are different from other kids, but they don't understand it. And as parents, we do our best to try and learn and comfort, but it's hard to comfort when your child doesn't like to be touched. So, the whole process will continue to be a learning process, for them, lifelong. I know they were given these challenges for a reason, and that they will overcome them with grace. They have no idea what they are capable of, but I do!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Blessings in Disguise.
Last weekend was chaos! Friday was Zach's first Christmas concert ever, and he did so great despite his special ed teacher having reservations. Although he faced my camcorder the whole time, instead of his teacher, he stayed in place and sang almost every word, and smiled. I was as proud as any parent could be! When it was done, I got to bring him home early and fuss over him for a few hours before picking up his brother. When we were home, the boys played so well together, taking turns, using manners. At points, Israel was being so helpful and polite to Zach, that I felt I got a glimpse at what it would be like to raise two neurotypical children, and how helpful a seven year old would be to his younger brother. I was in great spirits.
Then, just as I was about to announce it was time for "movie time", which is quiet, bedroom time in our house, I heard Israel crying in a horrifying manner. I could see his misshapen, broken arm under his shirt and when I instructed him to pull up his sleeve, what I saw had me struggling to keep from passing out. His arm, from elbow to fingers formed an "S" shape, fingers and wrist dislocated, forearm broken and sticking out at strange angles. Luckily, we live in nursing/medicine-based city, and several great hospitals are just minutes away. We all loaded in the car and got him to the ER, where he was whisked into a room immediately, given a fluffy bear to settle him, and taken care of like a prince. The ER doc was able to get his wrist and fingers back into place, but the poor guy had to wait 16 hours before undergoing his procedure to get the bones back in place and have a cast. The whole time, Israel was quiet and cooperative, and so very brave. He didn't ask for more Morphine than he needed, and didn't complain. He went through the procedure and came out of the anesthesia smiling and making jokes, able to drink and eat right away. I can't say that he hasn't been frustrated that he is having to stay inside for recess, and can't climb in the snow banks like his classmates, but all in all, he is handling it very well, and even insists on trying to do things on his own. He is very resilliant; can even write pretty good with his left hand.
Zach had a really tough time with the whole thing. He was making a line of trucks in their bedroom and Israel tripped on a truck and caught himself funny on the mattress, that's how it happened. When I went to get Zach ready for the hospital, he asked if Israel hurt himself because of the trucks and I said I wasn't sure, but Zach immediately started crying about it. Then he saw Israel's arm and cried and cried and cried. At the hospital, he was telling each passerby what happened, most of the time with his head down in shame, sometimes with tears. It took both my husband and I to keep the situation sane, one comforting Israel and talking to the medical staff, one to confort Zach and reassure him that it was just an accident and nobody's fault.
Despite Israel being frustrated and Zach feeling guilty, I have seen some really sweet things going on between the two of them. Zach has been being quite helpful to Israel, telling him to be careful when he is walking on snow or running, offering to help him maneuver. And last night, when Israel reminded me that I forgot to give him an extra pillow to prop up his cast, Zach took his own pillow off his bed to give to Israel. When Israel asked why Zach did that, I looked down at him and said, "Because Zach loves you very much." Israel looked at me with the biggest eyes ever, and looked like he was going to cry; I could tell he was touched by that.
So, even though there will still always be fights and competition for attention, this bad event actually brought us all a little closer. Sometimes blessings come in disguise.
Then, just as I was about to announce it was time for "movie time", which is quiet, bedroom time in our house, I heard Israel crying in a horrifying manner. I could see his misshapen, broken arm under his shirt and when I instructed him to pull up his sleeve, what I saw had me struggling to keep from passing out. His arm, from elbow to fingers formed an "S" shape, fingers and wrist dislocated, forearm broken and sticking out at strange angles. Luckily, we live in nursing/medicine-based city, and several great hospitals are just minutes away. We all loaded in the car and got him to the ER, where he was whisked into a room immediately, given a fluffy bear to settle him, and taken care of like a prince. The ER doc was able to get his wrist and fingers back into place, but the poor guy had to wait 16 hours before undergoing his procedure to get the bones back in place and have a cast. The whole time, Israel was quiet and cooperative, and so very brave. He didn't ask for more Morphine than he needed, and didn't complain. He went through the procedure and came out of the anesthesia smiling and making jokes, able to drink and eat right away. I can't say that he hasn't been frustrated that he is having to stay inside for recess, and can't climb in the snow banks like his classmates, but all in all, he is handling it very well, and even insists on trying to do things on his own. He is very resilliant; can even write pretty good with his left hand.
Zach had a really tough time with the whole thing. He was making a line of trucks in their bedroom and Israel tripped on a truck and caught himself funny on the mattress, that's how it happened. When I went to get Zach ready for the hospital, he asked if Israel hurt himself because of the trucks and I said I wasn't sure, but Zach immediately started crying about it. Then he saw Israel's arm and cried and cried and cried. At the hospital, he was telling each passerby what happened, most of the time with his head down in shame, sometimes with tears. It took both my husband and I to keep the situation sane, one comforting Israel and talking to the medical staff, one to confort Zach and reassure him that it was just an accident and nobody's fault.
Despite Israel being frustrated and Zach feeling guilty, I have seen some really sweet things going on between the two of them. Zach has been being quite helpful to Israel, telling him to be careful when he is walking on snow or running, offering to help him maneuver. And last night, when Israel reminded me that I forgot to give him an extra pillow to prop up his cast, Zach took his own pillow off his bed to give to Israel. When Israel asked why Zach did that, I looked down at him and said, "Because Zach loves you very much." Israel looked at me with the biggest eyes ever, and looked like he was going to cry; I could tell he was touched by that.
So, even though there will still always be fights and competition for attention, this bad event actually brought us all a little closer. Sometimes blessings come in disguise.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Eyes, Blizzards, and Goopy Noses
For the past two winters that we have been back in the midwest, we have started winter off with a blizzard. This year, Blizzard Aiden. About a foot of snow and winds upwards of 40MPH. The boys LOVE snow, and didn't even fuss too much about the wind and cold temps, which amazes me. Despite their sensory issues, they overcome them because of the novelty of snow.
Zach has caught a winter cold, and has the goopiest nose. He insists on wiping it anywhere but a tissue, which is super disgusting. We are still working on the tissue issue, hoping he will catch on. If I am not readily available for him, he will wipe it anywhere. I am happy he is finally starting to get the hang of blowing his nose, up until recently, he would always just suck it back in, instead of blowing it out of his nose. In due time, I hope. At least he's not a picker like Israel, man is that a hard habbit to break! I need a good line to tell them, to scare them into not picking. I told Israel that he is putting germs in there that will cause sores, but it has only happened a couple times, and he only half believes me. Maybe a reward system will work better.
Israel's other issue is his eyes. Just in the last month or so, he has been blinking hard, almost like when you get goop in your eyes. I have asked him several times why he does it, and he says that it hurts to look at faces, or that sometimes when he is looking at something he feels like he can't look at it any longer, he has to look away. This seems to be a relatively new sensory issue for him, I'm hoping it will be temporary, but I am reminded of a time when he was 4, he was turning his head and closing one eye when looking at things. I brought him to an optometrist that I trust, and he said it is a common problem for kids that age, that his eyes weren't working together to form one image, so he was accomodating. After a few short weeks, he stopped so I didn't think anything of it. That was before he was diagnosed.
Israel also got a new special ed teacher, and she seems so warm and friendly!!! Yay, victory! What a blessing to have a warm person in that position. Not that his other special ed teacher wasn't, she just seemed to be a little drained from dealing with him. Anyway, looking forward to some positive things coming from the change.
The weekend's blizzard delayed school by 2 hours today, and both the boys enjoyed it immensely. We spent the morning playing games, and they went off to school in great moods. Here begins another week. Only eight more days til Christmas vacation. We are all looking forward to that!
Zach has caught a winter cold, and has the goopiest nose. He insists on wiping it anywhere but a tissue, which is super disgusting. We are still working on the tissue issue, hoping he will catch on. If I am not readily available for him, he will wipe it anywhere. I am happy he is finally starting to get the hang of blowing his nose, up until recently, he would always just suck it back in, instead of blowing it out of his nose. In due time, I hope. At least he's not a picker like Israel, man is that a hard habbit to break! I need a good line to tell them, to scare them into not picking. I told Israel that he is putting germs in there that will cause sores, but it has only happened a couple times, and he only half believes me. Maybe a reward system will work better.
Israel's other issue is his eyes. Just in the last month or so, he has been blinking hard, almost like when you get goop in your eyes. I have asked him several times why he does it, and he says that it hurts to look at faces, or that sometimes when he is looking at something he feels like he can't look at it any longer, he has to look away. This seems to be a relatively new sensory issue for him, I'm hoping it will be temporary, but I am reminded of a time when he was 4, he was turning his head and closing one eye when looking at things. I brought him to an optometrist that I trust, and he said it is a common problem for kids that age, that his eyes weren't working together to form one image, so he was accomodating. After a few short weeks, he stopped so I didn't think anything of it. That was before he was diagnosed.
Israel also got a new special ed teacher, and she seems so warm and friendly!!! Yay, victory! What a blessing to have a warm person in that position. Not that his other special ed teacher wasn't, she just seemed to be a little drained from dealing with him. Anyway, looking forward to some positive things coming from the change.
The weekend's blizzard delayed school by 2 hours today, and both the boys enjoyed it immensely. We spent the morning playing games, and they went off to school in great moods. Here begins another week. Only eight more days til Christmas vacation. We are all looking forward to that!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Pulling Teeth
We are having teeth issues in the house this week. Yesterday, Zach came home from school with his shirt pulled up into his mouth, chewing on it. The entire front of his shirt was soaked almost all the way from the neck to the bottom. I guess he was "edgy" all day, he told me the noise, sights and smells were bothering him. Maybe he was nervous about the impending idiocracy his school displayed by sending him out in 21 degree tempuratures without his hat, scarf, and mittens on. Today, Israel was the one with issues. It takes that kid more than five minutes to brush his teeth. And, while I am delighted that he cares about his dental hiegene, we usually run out of time for him to brush thouroughly enough, because every preceeding activity requires countless reminders to stay on task. "Israel, eat your food." "Israel eat your food." "Israel, focus on getting dressed." "Remember when I told you to get dressed two minutes ago." "You're still not dressed?" UGH! He gets upset and says that I am rushing him, which makes me feel bad, but I try to make him understand that his actions and lack of focus are what is causing me to have to rush him. We have plenty of time to get everything ready each morning, but he is so easily distracted that each activity becomes a chore for both of us. At seven, he should be dressing himself, and I know he knows how, but if I am not there to speed things along, it can take 10-15 minutes and a ton of reminders for him to get dressed. Eating is the same story. Don't even get me STARTED about math homework! We are just waiting for the verification of our HMO choice and we can have him seen.
Zach was very exhausted from overstimulation after school last night, and spent the majority of the evening meowing and whimpering instead of talking. He didn't want anything to do with Garrett, and even went to the extreme of turning his head away if and sticking his hand in Garrett's face. He was in the mood that drives me nuts, the mood where he throws everything he can get his hands on. I wish I knew why he does it, and I have tried to ask him so many times, to no avail. It can be very dangerous, because he doesn't care what it is, he'll throw anything, and multiple times a day.
We had our first snow on Wednesday, just a light dusting on the ground. To my surprise, the boys have both said they love it, and despite the cold temps, they played out in it for a couple hours. I am surprised their senses were not overloaded/insulted by the cold and wind. Zach keeps telling me he loves this city, but when summer comes and the mosquitos and spiders come out, he changes his mind and starts asking about Las Vegas. Both of the boys are allergic to mosquitos and since they both grew up in Las Vegas, last year was their first full-blown experience with them. Zach's reaction was so bad after 4th of July, that it resulted in one of his eyes being swollen almost completely shut. Yuck. We'll get back to Vegas someday, and I'm sure the kids will adapt nicely. For being on the spectrum, it is fortunate that they are so adaptable. As for this week, I am happy it is nearly over for them. It's almost noon and my phone has been quiet, maybe they earned their incentive trip to McDonalds this weekend after all.
Zach was very exhausted from overstimulation after school last night, and spent the majority of the evening meowing and whimpering instead of talking. He didn't want anything to do with Garrett, and even went to the extreme of turning his head away if and sticking his hand in Garrett's face. He was in the mood that drives me nuts, the mood where he throws everything he can get his hands on. I wish I knew why he does it, and I have tried to ask him so many times, to no avail. It can be very dangerous, because he doesn't care what it is, he'll throw anything, and multiple times a day.
We had our first snow on Wednesday, just a light dusting on the ground. To my surprise, the boys have both said they love it, and despite the cold temps, they played out in it for a couple hours. I am surprised their senses were not overloaded/insulted by the cold and wind. Zach keeps telling me he loves this city, but when summer comes and the mosquitos and spiders come out, he changes his mind and starts asking about Las Vegas. Both of the boys are allergic to mosquitos and since they both grew up in Las Vegas, last year was their first full-blown experience with them. Zach's reaction was so bad after 4th of July, that it resulted in one of his eyes being swollen almost completely shut. Yuck. We'll get back to Vegas someday, and I'm sure the kids will adapt nicely. For being on the spectrum, it is fortunate that they are so adaptable. As for this week, I am happy it is nearly over for them. It's almost noon and my phone has been quiet, maybe they earned their incentive trip to McDonalds this weekend after all.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Crabby Tuesday
Israel woke up crabby today, which always sets the tone for the day. I never know what mood I will get him in upon waking. Fortunately, he has been in a fair and even mood for the majority of wake-ups this school year, but days like today remind me of times when he would make horrible comments like, "I'm going to cut your neck off" or "I'm going to kill you!" over something so innocent as asking him what he wants for breakfast, or reassuring him that yes, he does have to go to school. Today it was because he wanted "freezer raviolis" for breakfast and I told him no because they take too long to make. He had a fit, turned away with a scowl and said, "Fine! Then I won't eat anything and I won't watch Spongebob either!" I used to get angry and try to reason with him when he was in this mood, but now I just go along with it. "OK, then you will be really hungry all day, and if you misbehave at school your teacher and Daddy and I will be very unhappy with you." He finally, grouchily agreed on something else, and gobbled it up with pleasure once it was in front of him. I was feeling a bit discombobulated this morning and couldn't get my timing on, so we ran a little too late for him to get an adequate dose of caffeine, but he did get a few sips of coffee, and by the time we got to the bus stop, he was asking if I think it would be awesome if he has another great day in a row. He smiled at me sweetly and promised to try. I make sure he understands that having a good day and making good choices makes HIM feel better, that it's not just for everyone else. It will be interesting to see how his day goes. Yesterday he had absolutely zero caffeine and had a great day. That's the puzzle with him, his mood changes so quickly I never know what to expect.
Zach was his usual, perky self this morning. He doesn't like it when the sun "isn't up yet" when he wakes, and today was cloudy and drizzling, so he was concerned that the sun wouldn't come out before school. If I think about it in his terms, that is probably his best indicator he has to judge what time it is. Maybe he assumed it would be too early. Anyway, he worked through his morning very well, and even had a few spare minutes to make a picture of the wind before climbing on his bus. I don't get much feedback from his teachers, so I assume his days go good. It will be interesting to see how he does in "normal" first grade next year.
I have promised to bring them to McDonald's playland this weekend if they both have a good week all week. They are impatient, but I think the incentives do work. We will see.
Zach was his usual, perky self this morning. He doesn't like it when the sun "isn't up yet" when he wakes, and today was cloudy and drizzling, so he was concerned that the sun wouldn't come out before school. If I think about it in his terms, that is probably his best indicator he has to judge what time it is. Maybe he assumed it would be too early. Anyway, he worked through his morning very well, and even had a few spare minutes to make a picture of the wind before climbing on his bus. I don't get much feedback from his teachers, so I assume his days go good. It will be interesting to see how he does in "normal" first grade next year.
I have promised to bring them to McDonald's playland this weekend if they both have a good week all week. They are impatient, but I think the incentives do work. We will see.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Back in the Swing
The Thanksgiving holiday was pleasant, very relaxing and the boys played very well togther. To my surprise, I had to do very little re-directing. Israel had his whiney moments, but I am trying to expand my level of tollerance, and caffeinated him less than if he were at school. There were times when the boys were laughing together during play, and as good as that feels for neurotypical kid parents, it feels exceptionally great for me. Israel can understand when someone is speaking figuratively and "gets" jokes, but Zach doesn't have that ability. For Zach, everything is black and white, literal. So he has trained himself to force a laugh when others are laughing. It looks very strange, because his face is forced into a smile, but for some reason his eyebrows are usually scowling, and there is a strange forced laugh. It is his way of fitting in, and makes it slightly less obvious that he isn't on the same page as others. It gives me a little glimmer of hope that he can be convincing one day, and that most of those social skills can be learned, but mostly, that he wants to make the effort to share and be a part of others' conversations.
Zach will be turning six in just three months, and seems to be growing so fast. My favorite recent development is his relationship with Garrett(my husband). When Zach was born, Israel was just 1 1/2 years, and it just happened that Garrett usually dealt with Israel's needs while I handled Zach. That meant that Zach got most of my attention, and Israel got Garrett's attention. It wasn't planned, it just sort of took on a life of its own. Even to this day, Zach still comes to me with problems, and Israel leans toward Garrett. Zach has been so attached to me that he has said really hurtful things to Garrett like, "I don't like you, I only love Mommy." and even tells him to go away. It has really bothered me and I am sure to let Zach know that he is not allowed to talk to ANYONE that way, but especially not his daddy, who loves him very much. It has only been in the last couple of weeks that Zach has begun "warming up" to Garrett. Whenever he does something good, I tell him to show/tell 'Daddy' and Garrett has always made an extra effort to make a fuss over Zach's work. In the past couple weeks, Zach has progressed to leading Garrett by the hand to show him things, and even snuggling on the couch next to Garrett. Usually when Garrett is on the couch, Zach sees that as the perfect opportunity to jump as hard as he can on top of him. Even though he's a body builder, he is human, and a 50-something pound kid jumping at full force, is not good for anyone's body. I don't know why he does that to Garrett, he has never done that to me, but I don't allow it because it hurts. Garrett is the one who always plays with the boys, makes them giggle and squeal, I just don't know why Zach feels the need to jump on him, and then, even if he lays nicely on Garrett, he still ends up grinding his head into Garrett's. Time and again we ask him if he needs to be squished, but he says no and keeps pressing their skulls together. It is the strangest thing. So, yesterday when we were all hanging out in the living room, Zach knew I had a sore knee, so he chose to go snuggle by Garrett and even though it only lasted a few minutes, it was really great to see. And later when Iwas in another room, Zach had wanted to tell me something but realized I wasn't in the room. Instead of seeking me out to tell me, he told Garrett. I realize the progress is small, but to me, significant. And every bit of progress that my kids make, gives me hope that their future can and will be so bright!
Zach will be turning six in just three months, and seems to be growing so fast. My favorite recent development is his relationship with Garrett(my husband). When Zach was born, Israel was just 1 1/2 years, and it just happened that Garrett usually dealt with Israel's needs while I handled Zach. That meant that Zach got most of my attention, and Israel got Garrett's attention. It wasn't planned, it just sort of took on a life of its own. Even to this day, Zach still comes to me with problems, and Israel leans toward Garrett. Zach has been so attached to me that he has said really hurtful things to Garrett like, "I don't like you, I only love Mommy." and even tells him to go away. It has really bothered me and I am sure to let Zach know that he is not allowed to talk to ANYONE that way, but especially not his daddy, who loves him very much. It has only been in the last couple of weeks that Zach has begun "warming up" to Garrett. Whenever he does something good, I tell him to show/tell 'Daddy' and Garrett has always made an extra effort to make a fuss over Zach's work. In the past couple weeks, Zach has progressed to leading Garrett by the hand to show him things, and even snuggling on the couch next to Garrett. Usually when Garrett is on the couch, Zach sees that as the perfect opportunity to jump as hard as he can on top of him. Even though he's a body builder, he is human, and a 50-something pound kid jumping at full force, is not good for anyone's body. I don't know why he does that to Garrett, he has never done that to me, but I don't allow it because it hurts. Garrett is the one who always plays with the boys, makes them giggle and squeal, I just don't know why Zach feels the need to jump on him, and then, even if he lays nicely on Garrett, he still ends up grinding his head into Garrett's. Time and again we ask him if he needs to be squished, but he says no and keeps pressing their skulls together. It is the strangest thing. So, yesterday when we were all hanging out in the living room, Zach knew I had a sore knee, so he chose to go snuggle by Garrett and even though it only lasted a few minutes, it was really great to see. And later when Iwas in another room, Zach had wanted to tell me something but realized I wasn't in the room. Instead of seeking me out to tell me, he told Garrett. I realize the progress is small, but to me, significant. And every bit of progress that my kids make, gives me hope that their future can and will be so bright!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
2 Good Days
Israel's teacher communicates with how his day went by filling out a "smiley" sheet. For each activity during the day, she judges his performance on how many times he has to be redirected, reminded or talked to. There is also room for comments like, "Spit on classmate" or "stabbed someone with pencil" or more common, " wouldn't listen, climbed under desk." I promised him that if he got all smileys on Monday (yesterday) that I would bring him Subway and eat lunch with him. He got all smileys yesterday, so we had a special lunch together today. When I arrived, his special ed teacher said he was very excited about our lunch, and had been talking about it all day. That made me feel great. While I know he liked his lunch, I could tell how much the noise of the lunchroom was bothering him. All the kids who were sitting near us, were asking me questions, and I found myself feeling very shy and awkward. It led me to wonder, once again, if I am Autistic too. I have always been painfully shy, and find it awkward and difficult to start a conversation with people I don't know. It's a wonder I am married, my husband is very charismatic and outgoing and I am quite introverted. Since my boys have been diagnosed, I have been learning more and more about the spectrum, and I think I have a lot of characteristics of Autism. Then again, I think everyone has at least some characteristics. Too bad I didn't get a savant skill.
With our short week over, we are all looking forward to five days of sleeping in and hanging out together. Many movies will be watched! I am thankful for my beautiful family. There are few days that pass when I don't shake my head and wonder how I got so lucky!
With our short week over, we are all looking forward to five days of sleeping in and hanging out together. Many movies will be watched! I am thankful for my beautiful family. There are few days that pass when I don't shake my head and wonder how I got so lucky!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Battles
Whew! We made it through Saturday. For me, it was a pretty productive day, I got a lot of house cleaning done, which means that my boys were entertaining each other while I was busy. That, of course, led to the full spectrum of fighting, taunting, tantrums, whining and stomp-offs. When we try to redirect Israel, he takes it to heart and begins self-deficating. Complimenting Zach has the same effect. If we say, "Wow Zach, you drew a good 'Z'", Israel's comment will be, "I'm the worst at drawing Z's. You like Zach's Z's way better than mine. I'm a bad kid." This, is always accompanied by tears, and sometimes hitting himself in the head. Everything with Israel is a comparison and he automatically assumes the worst. Sometimes he reacts so dramatically to the smallest thing, that my husband will say, "We're not giving out any Emmy's today, kid." It is so frustrating, and this is not the Autism, but these are all symptoms of ADHD. The Autism does complicate things tremendously though, because not only does Israel have his own sensory issues that make him react in unpredictable and annoying ways, but Zach is also constantly reacting to stimuli, and Israel is often the outlet of his outbursts.
Yesterday's challenge was in trying to get Israel to drink enough caffeine to even out his mood/ hyperactivity. This becomes a challenge if I am not constantly sitting next to him to remind him to take another drink. He is also starting to resist the caffeine therapy, he says it makes him sleepy. Can't wait to have him diagnosed, I know he's not happy with things the way they are. My happy moment for yesterday, was that Israel fell asleep immediately, it didn't take an hour of struggle and torment to get him to sleep. What a gift for both of us! Israel has taken in 3/4 cup of coffee today, which seems to work better than any other form of caffeine, and he is so helpful, happy and relaxed today. Coffee is amazing!
Zach had a sudden and aweful stomach flu last weekend, and has been a little "off" since, a little less active, and considerably less talkative, particularily when stimuli are bothering him. He is acting more and speaking less. I think his Early Childhood teacher was very in tuned to him and knew how to encourage him to talk about how he was feeling inside, so that when he felt like his body needed to be squished (Autistic children often derive a comfortable escape from sensory overload by having pressure applied to their bodies or mouths-chewing) he could tell us what he needed. Today, for instance, Israel was jumping on my bed, which was giving him some sort of inner peace, but Zach was laying on the bed next to where Israel was jumping, and the stimulus was bothering him. Usually, Zach would say, "Israel, stop jumping!" with a scowl, and then we could draw out of him that it was bothering him, but today he doesn't feel like talking much, so instead he started to throw his own legs under where Israel was jumping, making Israel lose his balance. It makes it much more difficult when Zach doesn't tell us what he needs. It was hard to tell if he was trying to trip Israel so that he would land on him, giving him the pressure-therapy he was seeking, or if the stimulus was just simply annoying him. Letting him know that he needs to tell us what he needs with words, so we can help, was equally difficult. For as much as Zach was not going to talk, he was equally unwilling to listen to reason, he was already past a point of being able to "be with us" in the moment. He stuck his hand in my face, as if to say, 'Back off', self-comforted by gently brushing the excess portion of his pillowcase over his nose and mouth, and then played with water in the bathroom sink. The movement and sensation of water seems to calm him, so I indulge him, even though it is messy.
Tomorrow starts another busy week, but at least there are only 2 days of school for the boys this week. I promised Israel if he is good on Monday, that I will bring him a special lunch and eat with him on Tuesday. I am hoping that will be incentive enough for him to behave at school. Last week he was sent home early twice for spitting and acting wild. We started giving him caffeine for breakfast on Tuesday, and sending some with him, and it seemed to help a lot, but he didn't get enough caffeine on Friday, and was causing constant problems for his class, spitting on kids and his teacher. They have threatened to make him wear a mask if he doesn't stop spitting. I can't imagine what that would do to his self-esteem. I have asked him so many times why he does it and the answers range from "I was distracted" to " I have icky stuff in my mouth." I am starting to wonder if he is having swallowing issues, which can be common with Autistic kids, but we haven't noticed it until recently. I am so greatful that his teacher and helpers are patient but firm. As much as threats bother him, it seems like whatever is driving his body to do these behaviors is stronger. This weekend he was grounded from playing with his friend, the computer, and the iPod. It has been hard on him, but he understands that if he makes bad choices, he gets priveleges taken away. He has appologized to me a lot this weekend, sometimes in an effort to get me to change my mind about the punishment, and sometimes genuine. It is a start.
Sundays are all about family time. Since I lost my job, my husband has been working 6 days a week and we haven't seen much of him, so we have been spending Sundays watching movies and playing games. It always makes for a good day, but these weekends go so fast! Tonight, we will make the shift back into "school mode" and there will be a little grumbling, but by the time the buses come to pick them up, we'll have hit our stride. And that is when I begin to hold my breath and pray my phone doesn't ring!
Yesterday's challenge was in trying to get Israel to drink enough caffeine to even out his mood/ hyperactivity. This becomes a challenge if I am not constantly sitting next to him to remind him to take another drink. He is also starting to resist the caffeine therapy, he says it makes him sleepy. Can't wait to have him diagnosed, I know he's not happy with things the way they are. My happy moment for yesterday, was that Israel fell asleep immediately, it didn't take an hour of struggle and torment to get him to sleep. What a gift for both of us! Israel has taken in 3/4 cup of coffee today, which seems to work better than any other form of caffeine, and he is so helpful, happy and relaxed today. Coffee is amazing!
Zach had a sudden and aweful stomach flu last weekend, and has been a little "off" since, a little less active, and considerably less talkative, particularily when stimuli are bothering him. He is acting more and speaking less. I think his Early Childhood teacher was very in tuned to him and knew how to encourage him to talk about how he was feeling inside, so that when he felt like his body needed to be squished (Autistic children often derive a comfortable escape from sensory overload by having pressure applied to their bodies or mouths-chewing) he could tell us what he needed. Today, for instance, Israel was jumping on my bed, which was giving him some sort of inner peace, but Zach was laying on the bed next to where Israel was jumping, and the stimulus was bothering him. Usually, Zach would say, "Israel, stop jumping!" with a scowl, and then we could draw out of him that it was bothering him, but today he doesn't feel like talking much, so instead he started to throw his own legs under where Israel was jumping, making Israel lose his balance. It makes it much more difficult when Zach doesn't tell us what he needs. It was hard to tell if he was trying to trip Israel so that he would land on him, giving him the pressure-therapy he was seeking, or if the stimulus was just simply annoying him. Letting him know that he needs to tell us what he needs with words, so we can help, was equally difficult. For as much as Zach was not going to talk, he was equally unwilling to listen to reason, he was already past a point of being able to "be with us" in the moment. He stuck his hand in my face, as if to say, 'Back off', self-comforted by gently brushing the excess portion of his pillowcase over his nose and mouth, and then played with water in the bathroom sink. The movement and sensation of water seems to calm him, so I indulge him, even though it is messy.
Tomorrow starts another busy week, but at least there are only 2 days of school for the boys this week. I promised Israel if he is good on Monday, that I will bring him a special lunch and eat with him on Tuesday. I am hoping that will be incentive enough for him to behave at school. Last week he was sent home early twice for spitting and acting wild. We started giving him caffeine for breakfast on Tuesday, and sending some with him, and it seemed to help a lot, but he didn't get enough caffeine on Friday, and was causing constant problems for his class, spitting on kids and his teacher. They have threatened to make him wear a mask if he doesn't stop spitting. I can't imagine what that would do to his self-esteem. I have asked him so many times why he does it and the answers range from "I was distracted" to " I have icky stuff in my mouth." I am starting to wonder if he is having swallowing issues, which can be common with Autistic kids, but we haven't noticed it until recently. I am so greatful that his teacher and helpers are patient but firm. As much as threats bother him, it seems like whatever is driving his body to do these behaviors is stronger. This weekend he was grounded from playing with his friend, the computer, and the iPod. It has been hard on him, but he understands that if he makes bad choices, he gets priveleges taken away. He has appologized to me a lot this weekend, sometimes in an effort to get me to change my mind about the punishment, and sometimes genuine. It is a start.
Sundays are all about family time. Since I lost my job, my husband has been working 6 days a week and we haven't seen much of him, so we have been spending Sundays watching movies and playing games. It always makes for a good day, but these weekends go so fast! Tonight, we will make the shift back into "school mode" and there will be a little grumbling, but by the time the buses come to pick them up, we'll have hit our stride. And that is when I begin to hold my breath and pray my phone doesn't ring!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I love Saturdays
I love Saturdays. It is not because it is 9:30 AM and I am still in my loungewear, or that I got to sleep-in, it's not even the fact that I get to spend the day with my boys. For me the joy of Saturday comes from the realization that for today, I won't get the call to come pick up my disruptive kids from school because they are behaving too badly or putting others in harm's way. I won't get the call asking for my input into what is different, why they are doing what they are doing, what I think could make the behavior stop. For today, the madness belongs just to me, and I embrace it because from the minute I got the news that both my boys were on the Autism spectrum, I accepted a certain level of chaos that most parents of "nuerotypical' (non-Autistic) children don't have to deal with. I know a lot of parents have it worse than me, and there are billions of moments when I am in full realization of all my blessings, but after a really tough week, I decided it would be good for my mental health to have an outlet.
My younger son, Zach, was diagnosed shortly after his third birthday, after a short and disasterous stint in daycare. His aggressive, unpredictible behavior, coupled with a speech delay and short temper made for multiple calls to come pick him up from daycare, thus making my husband and I miss a lot of work. Finally, we were told he would not be allowed to attend the center anymore, and recommended he be evaluated for Autism. At the time, I knew little about the condition, and it only conjured up images of an extremely impaired person, most likely wheelchair-bound. When I saw Jenny McCarthy speaking about her son, a light went on. So many things began to make sense, he wasn't behaving badly out of spite, his senses were being raked over with razors. The diagnosis gave us a good starting place, and when we moved to Wisconsin, he started Early Childhood at the age of four. I have nothing but respect for the teachers and professionals who helped him, he made amazing progress. Now he is in an integrated kindergarten, a classroom that has a mix of neurotypical and special needs kids, and his progress amazes me on nearly a daily basis.
My older son, Israel was diagnosed at the age of six, in first grade. I have to give credit to the teacher who cared enough to dig a little deeper and not just write him off as a bad kid or product of poor parenting. Israel has always been extremely smart. He began speaking at 3 months and never looked back. He has the most amazing, clever mind, and thinks of ways to use objects that I never would have thought of, and can create a Rube Goldberg design in mere minutes. Every teacher who has worked with him has commented on how smart he is. We never suspected anything was wrong with him because he was so verbal and smart, and he was nothing like Zach. Then he started disrupting the class on nearly a daily basis, tapping his pencil, kicking his chair, humming loudly while the teacher was trying to instruct, rolling on the floor, hiding under his desk, even hitting, kicking, punching kids with seemingly no reason. His temper grew shorter and his speech started to be interrupted by long pauses, almost stutter-like patterns, waiting for his brain to catch up so he could tell you what he was thinking. After a long, trying year, he was finally evaluated and diagnosed as High Functioning Autistic. The diagnosis helped explain a lot of his behaviors, and though it is not something any parent wants to be told, it gave us the chance to move on.
For Zach, the question of lead levels came up when he started acting so unpredictable at school, and he also seems to have a hearing impairment, and has very bad teeth. This year when they were testing his high pitch noises at school, the area he seems to have trouble hearing, he started trembling, his eyes rolled back in his head and he was unresponsive for about 10 seconds. When I asked him what happened, he said he heard a loud noise that hurt his ears.
For Israel, our challenge is never ending. We are fairly sure he is ADHD, and it has made our lives particularily difficult. The constant distractions at school, immediate and dramatic reaction and tantrums have made it extremely trying, and they don't end when his school day does. The only thing that seems to calm him is caffeine. So, after we get through some red tape with our insurance, we will have him diagnosed and medicated. He is so smart, but he just can't keep focused long enough to show it or to learn. Sometimes I wonder if he was mis-diagnosed, and truly only has ADHD. Whatever the case, he is not medicated for the Autism, and if he does have ADHD, things will fall into place nicely once he is medicated. I am not one of those parents who worries about medicating him, because I have seen him on caffeine and off, and he is miserable when he is not on caffeine. He tells me how bad he feels, he calls it feeling 'wild', and he tells me, "I should be ashamed of myself!" and I feel so bad for him. I tell him it is not his fault, that his body just needs something it doesn't have yet and that we will reach a solution together. What else can a parent do?
My kids are my the center of my world, and though we have challenges, I wouldn't trade my life for anything!
My younger son, Zach, was diagnosed shortly after his third birthday, after a short and disasterous stint in daycare. His aggressive, unpredictible behavior, coupled with a speech delay and short temper made for multiple calls to come pick him up from daycare, thus making my husband and I miss a lot of work. Finally, we were told he would not be allowed to attend the center anymore, and recommended he be evaluated for Autism. At the time, I knew little about the condition, and it only conjured up images of an extremely impaired person, most likely wheelchair-bound. When I saw Jenny McCarthy speaking about her son, a light went on. So many things began to make sense, he wasn't behaving badly out of spite, his senses were being raked over with razors. The diagnosis gave us a good starting place, and when we moved to Wisconsin, he started Early Childhood at the age of four. I have nothing but respect for the teachers and professionals who helped him, he made amazing progress. Now he is in an integrated kindergarten, a classroom that has a mix of neurotypical and special needs kids, and his progress amazes me on nearly a daily basis.
My older son, Israel was diagnosed at the age of six, in first grade. I have to give credit to the teacher who cared enough to dig a little deeper and not just write him off as a bad kid or product of poor parenting. Israel has always been extremely smart. He began speaking at 3 months and never looked back. He has the most amazing, clever mind, and thinks of ways to use objects that I never would have thought of, and can create a Rube Goldberg design in mere minutes. Every teacher who has worked with him has commented on how smart he is. We never suspected anything was wrong with him because he was so verbal and smart, and he was nothing like Zach. Then he started disrupting the class on nearly a daily basis, tapping his pencil, kicking his chair, humming loudly while the teacher was trying to instruct, rolling on the floor, hiding under his desk, even hitting, kicking, punching kids with seemingly no reason. His temper grew shorter and his speech started to be interrupted by long pauses, almost stutter-like patterns, waiting for his brain to catch up so he could tell you what he was thinking. After a long, trying year, he was finally evaluated and diagnosed as High Functioning Autistic. The diagnosis helped explain a lot of his behaviors, and though it is not something any parent wants to be told, it gave us the chance to move on.
For Zach, the question of lead levels came up when he started acting so unpredictable at school, and he also seems to have a hearing impairment, and has very bad teeth. This year when they were testing his high pitch noises at school, the area he seems to have trouble hearing, he started trembling, his eyes rolled back in his head and he was unresponsive for about 10 seconds. When I asked him what happened, he said he heard a loud noise that hurt his ears.
For Israel, our challenge is never ending. We are fairly sure he is ADHD, and it has made our lives particularily difficult. The constant distractions at school, immediate and dramatic reaction and tantrums have made it extremely trying, and they don't end when his school day does. The only thing that seems to calm him is caffeine. So, after we get through some red tape with our insurance, we will have him diagnosed and medicated. He is so smart, but he just can't keep focused long enough to show it or to learn. Sometimes I wonder if he was mis-diagnosed, and truly only has ADHD. Whatever the case, he is not medicated for the Autism, and if he does have ADHD, things will fall into place nicely once he is medicated. I am not one of those parents who worries about medicating him, because I have seen him on caffeine and off, and he is miserable when he is not on caffeine. He tells me how bad he feels, he calls it feeling 'wild', and he tells me, "I should be ashamed of myself!" and I feel so bad for him. I tell him it is not his fault, that his body just needs something it doesn't have yet and that we will reach a solution together. What else can a parent do?
My kids are my the center of my world, and though we have challenges, I wouldn't trade my life for anything!
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