I will admit it, with two boys on the spectrum, our lives are pretty chaotic most of the time, but when my boys are gone, I sure do miss that chaos. My mom has them for a few days, and even though the quiet time with my husband has been nice, I am eagerly awaiting having them back home to kiss their cheeks and rub their backs. I know there will be fighting and whining, but I say, BRING IT ON!
My husband was talking to a friend, and telling them what it is like to raise two Autistic kids, and he brought up the dark comments they make, which I hadn't thought about collectively too much. Israel began making dark comments at the age of six, right before he was diagnosed. When Garrett would wake him for school, he would tell him, "I'm going to cut your head off" and if something really small would bother him, he would announce that he was going to kill himself. This could be brought on by something as small as forcing him to decide what he wants for breakfast. Zach has said really dark things to Garrett as well, like that he wants Garrett to die, and he used to tell him to go away when Garrett would try to give him goodnight kisses or even stroke his hair. Israel doesn't say the darkest things anymore, but he does get really down on himself when he makes a mistake, and says that he's the worst, and the stupidest. I think that is ADHD talking, but we still haven't had him diagnosed. Now that the chaos of Christmas is done, we will get him an appointment. All of it makes me wonder what kind of darkness they are living with every day. They know they are different from other kids, but they don't understand it. And as parents, we do our best to try and learn and comfort, but it's hard to comfort when your child doesn't like to be touched. So, the whole process will continue to be a learning process, for them, lifelong. I know they were given these challenges for a reason, and that they will overcome them with grace. They have no idea what they are capable of, but I do!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Blessings in Disguise.
Last weekend was chaos! Friday was Zach's first Christmas concert ever, and he did so great despite his special ed teacher having reservations. Although he faced my camcorder the whole time, instead of his teacher, he stayed in place and sang almost every word, and smiled. I was as proud as any parent could be! When it was done, I got to bring him home early and fuss over him for a few hours before picking up his brother. When we were home, the boys played so well together, taking turns, using manners. At points, Israel was being so helpful and polite to Zach, that I felt I got a glimpse at what it would be like to raise two neurotypical children, and how helpful a seven year old would be to his younger brother. I was in great spirits.
Then, just as I was about to announce it was time for "movie time", which is quiet, bedroom time in our house, I heard Israel crying in a horrifying manner. I could see his misshapen, broken arm under his shirt and when I instructed him to pull up his sleeve, what I saw had me struggling to keep from passing out. His arm, from elbow to fingers formed an "S" shape, fingers and wrist dislocated, forearm broken and sticking out at strange angles. Luckily, we live in nursing/medicine-based city, and several great hospitals are just minutes away. We all loaded in the car and got him to the ER, where he was whisked into a room immediately, given a fluffy bear to settle him, and taken care of like a prince. The ER doc was able to get his wrist and fingers back into place, but the poor guy had to wait 16 hours before undergoing his procedure to get the bones back in place and have a cast. The whole time, Israel was quiet and cooperative, and so very brave. He didn't ask for more Morphine than he needed, and didn't complain. He went through the procedure and came out of the anesthesia smiling and making jokes, able to drink and eat right away. I can't say that he hasn't been frustrated that he is having to stay inside for recess, and can't climb in the snow banks like his classmates, but all in all, he is handling it very well, and even insists on trying to do things on his own. He is very resilliant; can even write pretty good with his left hand.
Zach had a really tough time with the whole thing. He was making a line of trucks in their bedroom and Israel tripped on a truck and caught himself funny on the mattress, that's how it happened. When I went to get Zach ready for the hospital, he asked if Israel hurt himself because of the trucks and I said I wasn't sure, but Zach immediately started crying about it. Then he saw Israel's arm and cried and cried and cried. At the hospital, he was telling each passerby what happened, most of the time with his head down in shame, sometimes with tears. It took both my husband and I to keep the situation sane, one comforting Israel and talking to the medical staff, one to confort Zach and reassure him that it was just an accident and nobody's fault.
Despite Israel being frustrated and Zach feeling guilty, I have seen some really sweet things going on between the two of them. Zach has been being quite helpful to Israel, telling him to be careful when he is walking on snow or running, offering to help him maneuver. And last night, when Israel reminded me that I forgot to give him an extra pillow to prop up his cast, Zach took his own pillow off his bed to give to Israel. When Israel asked why Zach did that, I looked down at him and said, "Because Zach loves you very much." Israel looked at me with the biggest eyes ever, and looked like he was going to cry; I could tell he was touched by that.
So, even though there will still always be fights and competition for attention, this bad event actually brought us all a little closer. Sometimes blessings come in disguise.
Then, just as I was about to announce it was time for "movie time", which is quiet, bedroom time in our house, I heard Israel crying in a horrifying manner. I could see his misshapen, broken arm under his shirt and when I instructed him to pull up his sleeve, what I saw had me struggling to keep from passing out. His arm, from elbow to fingers formed an "S" shape, fingers and wrist dislocated, forearm broken and sticking out at strange angles. Luckily, we live in nursing/medicine-based city, and several great hospitals are just minutes away. We all loaded in the car and got him to the ER, where he was whisked into a room immediately, given a fluffy bear to settle him, and taken care of like a prince. The ER doc was able to get his wrist and fingers back into place, but the poor guy had to wait 16 hours before undergoing his procedure to get the bones back in place and have a cast. The whole time, Israel was quiet and cooperative, and so very brave. He didn't ask for more Morphine than he needed, and didn't complain. He went through the procedure and came out of the anesthesia smiling and making jokes, able to drink and eat right away. I can't say that he hasn't been frustrated that he is having to stay inside for recess, and can't climb in the snow banks like his classmates, but all in all, he is handling it very well, and even insists on trying to do things on his own. He is very resilliant; can even write pretty good with his left hand.
Zach had a really tough time with the whole thing. He was making a line of trucks in their bedroom and Israel tripped on a truck and caught himself funny on the mattress, that's how it happened. When I went to get Zach ready for the hospital, he asked if Israel hurt himself because of the trucks and I said I wasn't sure, but Zach immediately started crying about it. Then he saw Israel's arm and cried and cried and cried. At the hospital, he was telling each passerby what happened, most of the time with his head down in shame, sometimes with tears. It took both my husband and I to keep the situation sane, one comforting Israel and talking to the medical staff, one to confort Zach and reassure him that it was just an accident and nobody's fault.
Despite Israel being frustrated and Zach feeling guilty, I have seen some really sweet things going on between the two of them. Zach has been being quite helpful to Israel, telling him to be careful when he is walking on snow or running, offering to help him maneuver. And last night, when Israel reminded me that I forgot to give him an extra pillow to prop up his cast, Zach took his own pillow off his bed to give to Israel. When Israel asked why Zach did that, I looked down at him and said, "Because Zach loves you very much." Israel looked at me with the biggest eyes ever, and looked like he was going to cry; I could tell he was touched by that.
So, even though there will still always be fights and competition for attention, this bad event actually brought us all a little closer. Sometimes blessings come in disguise.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Eyes, Blizzards, and Goopy Noses
For the past two winters that we have been back in the midwest, we have started winter off with a blizzard. This year, Blizzard Aiden. About a foot of snow and winds upwards of 40MPH. The boys LOVE snow, and didn't even fuss too much about the wind and cold temps, which amazes me. Despite their sensory issues, they overcome them because of the novelty of snow.
Zach has caught a winter cold, and has the goopiest nose. He insists on wiping it anywhere but a tissue, which is super disgusting. We are still working on the tissue issue, hoping he will catch on. If I am not readily available for him, he will wipe it anywhere. I am happy he is finally starting to get the hang of blowing his nose, up until recently, he would always just suck it back in, instead of blowing it out of his nose. In due time, I hope. At least he's not a picker like Israel, man is that a hard habbit to break! I need a good line to tell them, to scare them into not picking. I told Israel that he is putting germs in there that will cause sores, but it has only happened a couple times, and he only half believes me. Maybe a reward system will work better.
Israel's other issue is his eyes. Just in the last month or so, he has been blinking hard, almost like when you get goop in your eyes. I have asked him several times why he does it, and he says that it hurts to look at faces, or that sometimes when he is looking at something he feels like he can't look at it any longer, he has to look away. This seems to be a relatively new sensory issue for him, I'm hoping it will be temporary, but I am reminded of a time when he was 4, he was turning his head and closing one eye when looking at things. I brought him to an optometrist that I trust, and he said it is a common problem for kids that age, that his eyes weren't working together to form one image, so he was accomodating. After a few short weeks, he stopped so I didn't think anything of it. That was before he was diagnosed.
Israel also got a new special ed teacher, and she seems so warm and friendly!!! Yay, victory! What a blessing to have a warm person in that position. Not that his other special ed teacher wasn't, she just seemed to be a little drained from dealing with him. Anyway, looking forward to some positive things coming from the change.
The weekend's blizzard delayed school by 2 hours today, and both the boys enjoyed it immensely. We spent the morning playing games, and they went off to school in great moods. Here begins another week. Only eight more days til Christmas vacation. We are all looking forward to that!
Zach has caught a winter cold, and has the goopiest nose. He insists on wiping it anywhere but a tissue, which is super disgusting. We are still working on the tissue issue, hoping he will catch on. If I am not readily available for him, he will wipe it anywhere. I am happy he is finally starting to get the hang of blowing his nose, up until recently, he would always just suck it back in, instead of blowing it out of his nose. In due time, I hope. At least he's not a picker like Israel, man is that a hard habbit to break! I need a good line to tell them, to scare them into not picking. I told Israel that he is putting germs in there that will cause sores, but it has only happened a couple times, and he only half believes me. Maybe a reward system will work better.
Israel's other issue is his eyes. Just in the last month or so, he has been blinking hard, almost like when you get goop in your eyes. I have asked him several times why he does it, and he says that it hurts to look at faces, or that sometimes when he is looking at something he feels like he can't look at it any longer, he has to look away. This seems to be a relatively new sensory issue for him, I'm hoping it will be temporary, but I am reminded of a time when he was 4, he was turning his head and closing one eye when looking at things. I brought him to an optometrist that I trust, and he said it is a common problem for kids that age, that his eyes weren't working together to form one image, so he was accomodating. After a few short weeks, he stopped so I didn't think anything of it. That was before he was diagnosed.
Israel also got a new special ed teacher, and she seems so warm and friendly!!! Yay, victory! What a blessing to have a warm person in that position. Not that his other special ed teacher wasn't, she just seemed to be a little drained from dealing with him. Anyway, looking forward to some positive things coming from the change.
The weekend's blizzard delayed school by 2 hours today, and both the boys enjoyed it immensely. We spent the morning playing games, and they went off to school in great moods. Here begins another week. Only eight more days til Christmas vacation. We are all looking forward to that!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Pulling Teeth
We are having teeth issues in the house this week. Yesterday, Zach came home from school with his shirt pulled up into his mouth, chewing on it. The entire front of his shirt was soaked almost all the way from the neck to the bottom. I guess he was "edgy" all day, he told me the noise, sights and smells were bothering him. Maybe he was nervous about the impending idiocracy his school displayed by sending him out in 21 degree tempuratures without his hat, scarf, and mittens on. Today, Israel was the one with issues. It takes that kid more than five minutes to brush his teeth. And, while I am delighted that he cares about his dental hiegene, we usually run out of time for him to brush thouroughly enough, because every preceeding activity requires countless reminders to stay on task. "Israel, eat your food." "Israel eat your food." "Israel, focus on getting dressed." "Remember when I told you to get dressed two minutes ago." "You're still not dressed?" UGH! He gets upset and says that I am rushing him, which makes me feel bad, but I try to make him understand that his actions and lack of focus are what is causing me to have to rush him. We have plenty of time to get everything ready each morning, but he is so easily distracted that each activity becomes a chore for both of us. At seven, he should be dressing himself, and I know he knows how, but if I am not there to speed things along, it can take 10-15 minutes and a ton of reminders for him to get dressed. Eating is the same story. Don't even get me STARTED about math homework! We are just waiting for the verification of our HMO choice and we can have him seen.
Zach was very exhausted from overstimulation after school last night, and spent the majority of the evening meowing and whimpering instead of talking. He didn't want anything to do with Garrett, and even went to the extreme of turning his head away if and sticking his hand in Garrett's face. He was in the mood that drives me nuts, the mood where he throws everything he can get his hands on. I wish I knew why he does it, and I have tried to ask him so many times, to no avail. It can be very dangerous, because he doesn't care what it is, he'll throw anything, and multiple times a day.
We had our first snow on Wednesday, just a light dusting on the ground. To my surprise, the boys have both said they love it, and despite the cold temps, they played out in it for a couple hours. I am surprised their senses were not overloaded/insulted by the cold and wind. Zach keeps telling me he loves this city, but when summer comes and the mosquitos and spiders come out, he changes his mind and starts asking about Las Vegas. Both of the boys are allergic to mosquitos and since they both grew up in Las Vegas, last year was their first full-blown experience with them. Zach's reaction was so bad after 4th of July, that it resulted in one of his eyes being swollen almost completely shut. Yuck. We'll get back to Vegas someday, and I'm sure the kids will adapt nicely. For being on the spectrum, it is fortunate that they are so adaptable. As for this week, I am happy it is nearly over for them. It's almost noon and my phone has been quiet, maybe they earned their incentive trip to McDonalds this weekend after all.
Zach was very exhausted from overstimulation after school last night, and spent the majority of the evening meowing and whimpering instead of talking. He didn't want anything to do with Garrett, and even went to the extreme of turning his head away if and sticking his hand in Garrett's face. He was in the mood that drives me nuts, the mood where he throws everything he can get his hands on. I wish I knew why he does it, and I have tried to ask him so many times, to no avail. It can be very dangerous, because he doesn't care what it is, he'll throw anything, and multiple times a day.
We had our first snow on Wednesday, just a light dusting on the ground. To my surprise, the boys have both said they love it, and despite the cold temps, they played out in it for a couple hours. I am surprised their senses were not overloaded/insulted by the cold and wind. Zach keeps telling me he loves this city, but when summer comes and the mosquitos and spiders come out, he changes his mind and starts asking about Las Vegas. Both of the boys are allergic to mosquitos and since they both grew up in Las Vegas, last year was their first full-blown experience with them. Zach's reaction was so bad after 4th of July, that it resulted in one of his eyes being swollen almost completely shut. Yuck. We'll get back to Vegas someday, and I'm sure the kids will adapt nicely. For being on the spectrum, it is fortunate that they are so adaptable. As for this week, I am happy it is nearly over for them. It's almost noon and my phone has been quiet, maybe they earned their incentive trip to McDonalds this weekend after all.
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