I am having so much trouble getting Israel to go to bed nicely, and it is causing such a scene at bedtime that I am suprised we have not been reported for waking up the neighbors. It starts with him whining when I tell him it's time for bed. That is not unusual. Then the "naughty voice" usually makes an appearance. This is the voice that usually indicates the need for stimulous, or they like to call it "motor". He is very smart, and I am not totally convinced that he isn't simply trying to delay bedtime. Zach can hit his pillow and be asleep mere minutes later. Israel has been taking a solid hour lately, complete with wicked, unpredictable melt-downs. I don't know if it is stimulous-related or attention-related, as he rarely tells me what is wrong, why he can't settle down, and by the time he starts wailing, I can't get a peep out of him. I am at my wits end. My parenting skills have suffered from the extreme stress of the situation, and my thoughts keep going back to medication. He most definitely has difficulty controlling his emotions, this is common for kids on the spectrum, and for ADHD, both show understimulation of the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is the part that regulates emotions. But, ADHD meds are stimulants, so I am worried if I put him on that, he may have an even harder time getting to bed. There doesn't seem to be an easy answer, so the battle continues. I will try to get more information from him so we can hopefully head it off before it starts.
I am worried that Zach is on the ADHD scale too, but with him it is in the form of impulsivity. He will just be playing with something and then stop and throw it across the room. And when he is bored, his body gets out of control, he jumps up and down with no reguard to what is nearby, often knocking things off shelves in stores, or completely falling over. I'm afraid he is going to hurt himself one day. And he does hurt others, sometimes with no apparent reason, just standing next to someone and decides to kick them or push them, or in the case of his brother, jump on him and wrestle him to the ground. When asked, Zach is pretty good at telling me when he needs pressure or to jump on the bed, but sometimes the unpredictable things he does are unexplainable. That is what leads me to believe he also has an underactive prefrontal cortex that he is trying to stimulate.
It is frightening to see that some of these symptoms get worse in adolescence, as we are barrelling toward it in a hurry. I don't want them to feel miserable and have to resort to such drastic ways of having their needs met, but medicating them scares me. More research is needed on my part, and finding a family doctor I can trust.
In my Human Development class we talk about yelling and spanking alot and it makes me think about my parenting skills, and how I am simply following my own mother's parenting style most of the time. That is not good, considering the struggles my mother faced. Her situation was much different than mine, so why should my parenting style follow hers? I was reminded that yelling and spanking only addresses what not to do, and doesn't teach them what to do. I am constantly preaching that hurting others is not ok, and then when they do something bad enough, or when I am at the end of my rope stresswise, I spank them. So I see a lot of areas where I need some work. Right now, I am looking forward to this semseter of college being done next week, so I can give them a lot more attention, and I'm looking forward to their summer break so we can go off and have fun when and where ever we want.
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