Invited to a Party

Over the weekend, we went to a birthday party for one of Zach's classmates.  We live in a community that has a 9 month school year, so they are on summer vacation, and Zach has been very nostalgic, and misses his first grade class and teacher.  So when the opportunity came up to go to a party for his friend, McKenzie, I agreed.  This is the girl whom he was constantly calling his 'girlfriend' and though I don't think he fully grasps what that means, I know he likes being around her and considers her a friend. 
Thankfully, the party was at one of my kids favorite parks, as I needed to bring Israel along as well, because my husband was out of town.  Israel is two grades level above everyone else at the party, and spent most of the time running around the playground.  It was really informal, which was perfect for my kids, not having to sit and pay attention to rules/games was nice.  While I was talking with the host mom and another mom, I mentioned how nice it was to be invited, that we don't really get invited to many parties anymore.  I was assuming it is because my kids are autistic and Zach in particular can be a little abrasive/awkward around others, and neurotypical kids sometimes don't know how to take him.  But another parent chimed in, "There aren't a lot of parents doing them anymore."  I have to admit, it made me feel better. 
And then I thought about my own childhood, and how it made me feel to never have a party.  My parents were so poor, and we never had the extra money for something as frivolous as a party.  Especially since my birthday falls less than a week after Christmas.  My sister often had a combined party with our cousin, thrown/funded by my aunt, and it made me fiercely jealous when I was a kid.  We always got gifts, but it was the party that I wanted, to have my friends around, fussing over me.  Now that I am an adult, I can see both sides, it is a little silly to indulge in such things, but if it makes my kids feel good, I don't see the harm.  The sad part about the party this weekend was that from a class of 20 students invited, only 4 classmates showed up to her party.  The host mom was running around trying to make everyone happy, serving, setting up games, etc.  But in the end, the birthday girl seemed happy and my kids had a blast.  Autistic or not, parties make kids happy.  And the one we went to was pretty uncomplicated, and the kids didn't interact too terribly much due to the playground equipment, but for my family, my kids were included.  And that feels amazing!

That's Zach on the far left, and Israel just to the right of him

Sleepless in Green Bay

Sleep is so elusive these days.  My older son, Israel, is having so much trouble getting to bed at night.  If it's not being scared of spiders, it is an odd noise.  His ears seem to be hyper-sensitive to the point that he can hear the motors of electronic devices that I cannot.  It drives him insane and keeps him from sleep, despite having a turbo fan blasting white noise that can be heard throughout the entire house.  Friday night, he had a Bob Marley drink, Mellow Mood, and it was so effective, that he fell asleep on the couch well before his bedtime, and woke some thirteen hours later.  Then the weekend was normal, taking anywhere from about a half to full hour for him to drift off to sleep.  I consider those the "easy" days.  Last night was one of the "bad" nights. 
It begins when I announce it is time for bed.  He immediately protests, whines, sometimes even throws himself to the floor.  This is where I know I am in for a battle.  All yesterday he spent instigating/irritating his brother, who is younger but much stronger than him.  So right before bedtime, when I found Israel running away with his brother's treasured toy, I knew it was going to be a long, drawn-out bedtime.  I dream of a day when we can afford a bigger living space so my kids can have their own rooms.  Zach usually falls asleep within 5 minutes of hitting the pillow, and sleeps really deep, unless Israel is bothering him.  I don't know what Israel is getting out of irritating his brother.  I have tried to ask him, and he says he doesn't know.  I drill him until he's irritated with the interrogation.  Is it for motor stimulation?  Is it in hopes that he'll get hit (ie pressure)?  Is it for attention?  He doesn't know.  I have made the mistake, while under the influence of desperation and sleep deprivation, to threaten to take him to the doctor to get him medication that will allow him to settle his body at night.  But I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. 
So I began bedtime by trying to have Israel lay down with me alone.  He rarely ever sleeps in his bed since we got bunkbeds.  He begged for bunkbeds for a year before I finally gave in.  And his reason for not wanting to sleep in his bed changes from day to day.  One night its because he just wants to be close to me, another because he's afraid of spiders.  I have been trying to head off problems before they start.  We put a plan in place where Israel is allowed to lay next to me on the floor until Zach falls asleep, and then I come up to his tiny bed and lay with him until he falls asleep.  Some nights this works beautifully, despite having to contort my body to fit in bed with my nearly-nine year old.  But last night, Israel was very upset that he was in his room first, and alone with me, and the crying jag began right out of the gate.  I always try to talk to him about what is going on first, and then about other things to distract him, but on nights like last night, nothing works.  It seems that once he begins crying, he can't stop.  And I wouldn't call it crying as much as screaming/howling with very few tears.  That we haven't had the police called on us for disturbing the peace or suspected child abuse is a wonder!  For some reason Zach came to me to ask for a favor while trying to contend with Israel.  Despite my husband being available, Zach still prefers me to help him, and I got up to help him and then Israel followed.  That led to him asking for food, which drew-out bedtime even longer.  By the time Zach got into bed and dozed off, it was nearly an hour past their bedtime, and it was nearly my own bedtime.  I eased Israel into his bed, and he began to settle after another half hour.  But just as he was drifting off, he jolted awake, panic-stricken that there might be a wasp near his ear, because he heard a buzzing sound.  Was he dreaming?  Who can tell.  But I was already losing sleep myself, and my stress level was so elevated that I caved in and let him sleep in the living room with my husband.  I don't like to let him do that because my husband doesn't usually go to bed until after 11pm, but at the time it was nearly 10:30 and Israel wasn't sleeping anyway.  So I dumped him off on my husband, who's been gone a lot this weekend due to work, and went to bed.  Israel came in my room at midnight to tell me that my husband wouldn't let him sleep in his bed with him.  So after a little while of begging him to try again, I finally had to get up and fix him a comfier bed of bean bags and cushions on the living room floor, so he could finally get to sleep.  I didn't hear from him again until this morning, thank goodness.  But that is what happens at least a few times a month.  He didn't get to bed until after midnight.  He didn't have any caffeine yesterday, had plenty of stimulation and fresh air, and very little sugar.  But one thing I did think about last night is, this usually seems to happen when I'm left to handle him by myself.  Lightbulb!  It's just a hunch, but I'm thinking he is finding his way to get attention/closeness from my husband.  Because usually if it goes on too long, and I am at my wit's end, he eventually ends up sleeping with my husband.  They have always had a really close bond. 
We need more work on bedtime, but I am starting to consider natural sleep aides.  Has anyone tried anything and had success?  Advice would be appreciated!! 

Sleep Issues and ADHD

I am having so much trouble getting Israel to go to bed nicely, and it is causing such a scene at bedtime that I am suprised we have not been reported for waking up the neighbors.  It starts with him whining when I tell him it's time for bed.  That is not unusual.  Then the "naughty voice" usually makes an appearance.  This is the voice that usually indicates the need for stimulous, or they like to call it "motor".  He is very smart, and I am not totally convinced that he isn't simply trying to delay bedtime.  Zach can hit his pillow and be asleep mere minutes later.  Israel has been taking a solid hour lately, complete with wicked, unpredictable melt-downs.  I don't know if it is stimulous-related or attention-related, as he rarely tells me what is wrong, why he can't settle down, and by the time he starts wailing, I can't get a peep out of him.  I am at my wits end.  My parenting skills have suffered from the extreme stress of the situation, and my thoughts keep going back to medication.  He most definitely has difficulty controlling his emotions, this is common for kids on the spectrum, and for ADHD, both show understimulation of the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is the part that regulates emotions.  But, ADHD meds are stimulants, so I am worried if I put him on that, he may have an even harder time getting to bed.  There doesn't seem to be an easy answer, so the battle continues.  I will try to get more information from him so we can hopefully head it off before it starts. 
I am worried that Zach is on the ADHD scale too, but with him it is in the form of impulsivity.  He will just be playing with something and then stop and throw it across the room.  And when he is bored, his body gets out of control, he jumps up and down with no reguard to what is nearby, often knocking things off shelves in stores, or completely falling over.  I'm afraid he is going to hurt himself one day.  And he does hurt others, sometimes with no apparent reason, just standing next to someone and decides to kick them or push them, or in the case of his brother, jump on him and wrestle him to the ground.  When asked, Zach is pretty good at telling me when he needs pressure or to jump on the bed, but sometimes the unpredictable things he does are unexplainable.  That is what leads me to believe he also has an underactive prefrontal cortex that he is trying to stimulate. 
It is frightening to see that some of these symptoms get worse in adolescence, as we are barrelling toward it in a hurry.  I don't want them to feel miserable and have to resort to such drastic ways of having their needs met, but medicating them scares me.  More research is needed on my part, and finding a family doctor I can trust. 
In my Human Development class we talk about yelling and spanking alot and it makes me think about my parenting skills, and how I am simply following my own mother's parenting style most of the time.  That is not good, considering the struggles my mother faced.  Her situation was much different than mine, so why should my parenting style follow hers?  I was reminded that yelling and spanking only addresses what not to do, and doesn't teach them what to do.  I am constantly preaching that hurting others is not ok, and then when they do something bad enough, or when I am at the end of my rope stresswise, I spank them.  So I see a lot of areas where I need some work.  Right now, I am looking forward to this semseter of college being done next week, so I can give them a lot more attention, and I'm looking forward to their summer break so we can go off and have fun when and where ever we want.

A Chapter is not Enough

In this, my first semester back in college, I have finally reached the Autism chapter of my Abnormal Child Psychology class.  I was really disappointed in how the text book started the chapter with an insinuation that autistic children are subhuman, by saying many of the traits that make us human are the ones that are deficient in people on the spectrum.  Yes, there are deficiencies in social skills and even in communication, but is that all that really makes us human?  And what are we measuring this by?  Many non-verbals can communicate, just not in the way society is demanding of them.  If you don't think so, research Carly Fleischmann's story.  And what are we saying about deaf people then?  I understand the point that was being made, but I think in this day and age, with so many being diagnosed worldwide, we have a responsibility to be more careful about how we address people on the spectrum.  They are not deaf and they are not mentally retarded.  They  are fully able to  comprehend things that are said and have extraordinary recall.  They just cannot use expressive language as freely as others, and even may take a little longer to express themselves when/if they do.  It doesn't mean they don't understand what is being said about them. 
In my class last night, as we were breezing straight through the topic, there were so many times I wanted to comment, to add to the lecture my own personal experiences and argue some things being taught, but the professor is against us sharing anything too personal and I could tell she wanted to get through it quickly so we could leave early.  We are watching the movie Temple Grandin, which I think is a phenomenal thing to show and I applaud her wisdom in that decision. 
But when the chapter is done, that is all we have for Autism.  In this great University of Wisconsin system, which has been reguarded so highly for it's academic excellence, I feel like there is a huge lack of classes in autism.  With 1 in 88 folks on the spectrum already, courses should be available at every college in the country, we shouldn't have to rearrange our whole lives to find a college that offers courses in it.  I know that it takes time to implement such programs, and that it will happen in time.  We certainly want someone teaching the course that has worked extensively with autistic children, and not just occassionally encountered an autistic child in the course of treating the masses of depressed people.  Not that I'm knocking anyone, every kind of therapy is vital, but for me, I want to see more courses offered in autism, and eventually, I'd like to see a degree in autism treatment being offered.  Yes it is a branch of psychology, yes it is a branch of human development, and even social work, occupational therapy and speech therapy if we want to get technical.  But within those broad courses, there is very little that applies to autism, and to those who want to chose a career in helping spectrum people.  So there is one area I hope comes along in my lifetime.  In the meantime, I will take my overgeneralized psychology courses on marriage issues, drugs, aging, etc that have very little to do with a problem that is quickly outgrowing many others combined, and not just in our country, but worldwide.  That 1 in 88 is the American statistic, but it is 1 in 150 worldwide.  And knowing that it's going to be a fair while before we get answers as to the how and why's, we had better have a competent fleet of people equipped to help these people, as they become a part of the meshwork that makes up our global demographic.  I may rant, but I also have hope.  I started this to be part of the change of things that I can see lacking, and I'm far from done.

1 in 88

By now most people have heard the CDC's newest statistics that 1 in 88 kids in America is on the Autism spectrum.  It now qualifies to be identified as an epidemic.  That means 1 in every 54 boys and 1 in 252 girls are on the spectrum.  Some of the rise is due to professionals being able to diagnose it more easily, and with knowledge becoming more widely available, parents are now starting to recognize the symptoms of Autism on their own, things that might have otherwise been dismissed had they not heard of Autism or known someone on the spectrum.  But while awareness grows, these new numbers will frighten a lot of folks who don't look deeper.
When each of my sons was first diagnosed, I felt devistated.  My kid is diseased, I thought, he'll never be "normal".  I spent a great deal of time and energy on apathy, and dreading the future outcome of my sons' lives.  But as each has grown, they have blossomed.  They have distinct personalities, fraught with quirks, brilliant observations, creativity, and pure unfilter love.  Their capacity for deceit is low and their capacity for love is sky-high.  They don't always conform to societal or gender norms, and I think that is brilliant!  Society is wrong in so many ways, and for them to be rebels against some of the things that confine us is a freedom most of us will never have the luxury of having.  Not that they're aware of it.  Yet.
Very few days pass without me being gratful that my kids are verbal (they still have communication issues, despite), and that they can adapt/adjust to the changes their daily lives lead them through.  They have remarkable, inspiring individuals helping them through the tough times, and for all the challenges they have to face, they are so strong and resilliant.  I know a lot of people have a much worse situation than we do, and I feel blessed every day that we have the tools and the strength to handle whatever life throws at us.  For me, Autism has touched me so profoundly that it has given me direction in my own life, and given me purpose.  But it has touched me in the sweet, wet kisses that taste like cherry Chapstick and the gentle sigh that comes with pressure in just the right spot.  Everyone has something that makes them unique.  For me, Autism is just that, a little something different that makes a person extra special, and ultimately, extraordinary.

A Response

I have taken some time away from this blog, due to a comment by on my last entry.  I wanted to reply to the comment, but feel that I need an entire blog to do it.
First of all, despite the comment's negative air, I feel it is a good thing that we have this open forum in which to share our thoughts and feelings about the disorder.  There will always be differing opinions on how to raise any child, and children with special needs are no exception.  There is no wrong or right way, just what is right for each individual family.
Let me first say that I am not against people trying to raise awareness of Autism and how Autistic people of all ages should be treated.  I am all for research.  But I think there is a huge disconnect between displaying a ribbon, and being able to educate people. I wore an Autism pin on my work uniform and lapel for a year, felt like I was doing my part to raise awareness, was certain several people each day would ask about it, giving me an opportunity to educate them.  In all honesty, the only people who mentioned it were people who already knew what the pin symbolized.  And I can relate.  I see bumper stickers all the time supporting "this" and "that" cause, and I do not have any desire to rush home and jump on the internet to see what it is all about.  It just isn't in my nature or my tight schedule.  In my (albeit limited) experience, I think that those who are interested or know someone on the spectrum, will seek out information, of which there is a wealth, and will take from it what they will.  I do not see Autism as a disease or a horrible tragedy, I think my kids are brilliant and loving, and, like any parent, think they are beautiful exactly the way they are. 
I used to speak for them all the time.  When someone would try to engage them in conversation, I would promptly step in and announce, "Oh, they're Autistic, they probably won't answer you."  I thought I was being helpful or letting them off the hook so people would understand why they weren't answering.  But now I see that I wasn't doing that to make them more comfortable, I was doing that because I felt uncomfortable that they weren't answering.  When I read the aforementioned book, it opened my eyes to what I was doing to them.  We wouldn't advertise other conditions in the same manner would we?  If it were diabetes instead, would I introduce them as my sons with diabetes?  Doubtful.  My kids, being older, are aware that they are not like others, that they sometimes don't have the words to express what they don't like, that they get kicked out of daycare after daycare because they don't behave like everyone else.  They don't need a neon sign, or their mother advertising what they least like about themselves.  It comes down to respect.  Everyone has something about themself they don't want others to know, for my kids they have both been able to verbalize that they don't want me to tell people they are Autistic.  It isn't fair to air out someone else's laundry, and especially kids, who already feel they have so little say in their life, it can be exceptionally scarring.
If slapping a bumper sticker on my car truly gave me the opportunity to educate people, I could see the merit in it, but for me, it comes at the expense of my kids' feelings, and at this point, would violate their trust.  And I truly do feel as though it opens it up for judgement, not in a malicious way, but in a knee-jerk manner, the same way someone reacts to seeing someone wearing a turban, or seeing a car with a gay rights bumper sticker.  It's not something most people will admit to, or are proud of, but there is a little bit of judgement in all of us.
As far as the parents of Autistic children being impossible to please, that may be so.  All parents strive to have the best for their kids, whether it is healthier lunch options, no bullying on the playground, better books to choose from, or in-class aides that will help all children reach their potential. I agree, there is a fine, often contradicting line between recieving these (often vital) services, and having those services single them out as being different, and it is something each parent needs to decide what is right for their child.  I have a friend whose son is on the spectrum, and has chosen not to have any special treatment in the school system; rather chosing to integrate him in with neurotypical children.  She has her challenges, but that seems to be what works best for her.   I am very fortunate that my kids receive services at school that have allowed them to keep up with the rest of their class.  Honestly, what I want for my kids is to be happy.  They are very aware when they can't do something like the others can; our job as parents is to give them the coping skills to handle tough situations and think of another solution so that, though they will always be different, they can handle it.  I am very satisfied with the services they get at school, it is after school where I am appaled at the lack of daycare facilities/providers that offer care for children with special needs.  That being said, I feel my energy would be better spent learning all I can about Autism so that I may go into these facilities and train the staff how to handle kids on the spectrum, and that is a decision I have made; that is my contribution to the cause.  With one in every 58 boys born on the spectrum, these consultative/training services are more vital every day.  And if it helps just one family to navigate their course a little easier, then I will have made a worthwhile contribution.  It may take me years to reach the point of being able to live out that dream, but to me it feels very necessary. 
It may be decades before researchers find what causes Autism, and decades more to figure out how to "treat" or avoid it, but I don't see it as a negative thing.  My kids have a lot to offer the world, as does everyone on the spectrum, and I wouldn't change them for the world.  I believe our creator does not make mistakes.
There will always be challenges in raising children, there will always be differences of opinion, and ideas and information will shift and change as we learn.  The best we can do is treat people with respect, even if we have differing opinions.  I don't feel that my opinion is always right, as it is often based on emotion and a little bit of logic, I am just as any parent, trying to give my kids the best I have to offer.  Respect, dignity and trust should be part of the package between parents and their children.  For me, that means not wearing a ribbon.  It's not an attack, it's just personal.  If we never give our kids any say, especially on something that effects them on such an emotional level, they will never be empowered or able to advocate for themselves.
As I have always believed, we try, until we find the way that is right.

Why I Don't Display the Autism Ribbon

I am on Facebook, as is nearly everyone, and I use it to keep up with the lives of my friends.  Lately there have been a lot of Autism things coming forth, and I have been invited to click "this" for autism, or proudly display "that" for autism, but I have not chosen to do so.  It is, in part, due to a book I've recently read called "Empowered Autism Parenting: Celebrating and Defending your Child's Place in the World" by William Stillman, a brilliant author, autism advocate, and person with Asperger's.  I cannot recommend this book enough to everyone, whether or not they live with someone with autism.
Stillman tells us that when we proudly display the puzzle piece ribbon on our bumper, or advertise it elsewhere, that is setting the environment for people to segregate us and our children.  People see that ribbon on our bumper and think, "Oh, they're one of those families"  or, Oh, poor things, what saints they are to care for those diseased children.  And when your children emerge from the vehicle, the judgements are already being passed upon them.  In that manner, you aren't giving your child the chance to be considered "normal", you are already telling others what to think of them, and how to treat them.  And the scarey thing is, even with the rate babies are being born with autism, there are still so many people who don't understand what autism is.  When I tell someone that my child is autistic, I think they expect to catch him drooling in a corner, rocking himself and talking gibberish. 
The book also talks about those parents who print/hand out cards or announce that their child is autistic when they are reacting to the stimuli in crowded stores.  The person you hand that card to, as your child is tantruming or self-soothing in a way that may not be considered "normal" social behavior, is now thinking, this is what autism looks like.  It belittles your child, who is merely trying to communicate his/her level of discomfort with the sensory overstimulation.
It also taught me that my child's "behaviors" should not be dismissed as that, but as communication.  Most autistic children have needs that they can't put into words, so they use action to try and communicate.  This really hit home with me.  My older son is high functioning, and is quite bright.  In first grade, he was testing at two grade levels ahead in reading and math, and eight grade levels ahead in visual spatial relationships (common for kids on the spectrum).  He is very bright, and has always been very verbal, so I have always assumed that he knew how to express his needs/wants/discomforts, but now I see things so much clearer.  He has an appointment to assess him for ADHD next month, but now I am wondering if his "disruptive behaviors" aren't really just his attempt to communicate something that his brain/mouth won't let out.  It will be interesting to see what the outcome is.  Since reading the book, our relationship has been much improved, and I have appologized for doing things wrong in the past, and asked him to write down anything I've done that bothered/bothers him so that I can work to help him instead of bother him.
As for my younger son, I have begun to show him more respect by asking him if it's OK to touch him before I do it, and to my surprise, even though he usually never complains about my touch, a lot of times he says no when I ask him if it's OK to rub his back or arm, which I have been doing without permission nearly every time he is near enough to touch.  There are places he likes to be touched/kissed and I am working on just touching him there, but only with permission.  It is about respecting them, and as Stillman puts it, assuming intelligence.  Our children want what everyone else wants, to be treated with respect and dignity.  And that is why I do not proudly display the autism ribbon.

Too Many Doctors!

This has been a week full of doctors, again.  Most of our visits were for Zach's dental procedure yesterday.  Wednesday he had a full physical exam, to be sure he would be OK with anesthesia, then directly to the dental office for a complete set of X-rays since the hospital's equipment was down.  That same evening Israel had an ear infection so we ended up in the ER, then yesterday was Zach's procedure, which had he and I in the hospital for half the day.  It was a stressful morning, he was so hungry and kept reminding me how bad his stomach hurt.  He was scared but brave, and in the end, he did OK.  They extracted his 3 top, front teeth, due to excessive wear, then he got 4 crowns and some fillings.  He has really weak teeth.  While he was under, they also drew some blood, and he will have a whole battery of testing done for a medical diagnosis of Autism, and to check lead levels (can also weaken the teeth, so that makes sense) and thyroid testing.  The testing was done by my request, because his special ed teacher recommended it due to his unpredictable aggression.  Of course, when he was in the doctor's office for his physical, he was acting so good and easy going, so she was questioning why he was diagnosed with Autism.  I am not sure how to feel about that.  There are definite characteristics that are autistic, the speech delay, the clumbsiness, the jargoning (which is non-existent these days), the shakey hands and poor fine motor skills, the sensory issues...but part of me wonders with both of my kids, if they are misdiagnosed.  For instance, with Zach, most of the symptoms he is exibiting could be for autism or lead poisoning.  For Israel, most of his issues could be autism or ADHD.  They were both diagnosed as autistic, but only educationally, not medically.  Part of me wanted to argue with the doctor when she questioned why Zach was tested for autism, but part of me wondered about the other things.  I have read that most autistic children have secondary diagnoses, so maybe it is just that.  They both have autistic characteristics, but there are other issues as well.  At any rate, we should soon find out about Zach's lead levels, something I have been curious about for a while, and Israel will have his first appointment to get the ball rolling on testing for ADHD on Monday.  So hopefully, before I get back to work, we will have a clearer picture of what is going on with both of them.  I really need to know with Israel, he has gotten so bad lately that he is continually bringing out the worst in me, and I feel like such an ugly person.  It has made me aware of how desperately I need better ways of dealing with my stress/anger when dealing with him.  Not that I think I can just make all our problems go away by medicating my children, but it will certainly help us as a family, if everyone has the metabolic balance they need in order to be happy.  When Israel acts out, I can tell he is wishing he could control it, and I can also tell that he absolutely cannot do so.  What a torment that must be for him.  I am sorry it has taken so long for us to get him the help he needs.  The truth is, it is only because I have lost my job (thus, qualifying us for medical assistance as a secondary insurance) that I have been able to afford all these doctor appointments. 
Zach is really upset about his teeth, about the ones that are gone, and even about the ones with the crowns, but it was necessary, and I know he will get over it in time.  He opted to go to school today, and other than directly after coming off the anesthesia, only complained of pain once last night.  He is such a tough, resilient kid, and I never cease to be amazed by him!  Israel has some way to go, but as a family, we will all get through it together.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

Bugs and Spring

Well, another school week begins.  Last week was shortened by a scheduled teacher's day off, and by stomach flu (Israel), and this week will be short for Zach, as he will be having his dental work done under anesthesia on Thursday, and will have to get out of school early for a physical on Wed.  He may have to miss school on Friday as well, depending on how much pain he has.  Thank goodness next week is spring break, so we won't have to worry about missing any school.  Each year I think they are going to get yelled at or told they have to repeat a grade for missing so much school, but little can be done sometimes.  The dental office I bring Zach to, only does work at the hospital once a month, so we had to take what they offered. 
Last Wednesday, I awoke with stomach flu, and the boys showed such compassion and selflessness I was beside myself.  Israel bagged up their school snacks for me, they both got dressed by themselves, and both insisted I stay inside and they would make it to their bus stops on their own.  Of course, I couldn't allow that, especially since a mix of freezing rain and snow was blanketing the streets and cars were slipping all over.  I made it through bus stop duty somehow, and rested the whole day.  Every time I thought of how sweet the boys were, it made me so gratful that they are mine.  There have been many times when I have wondered if they are even aware of others, and here they were putting my needs in front of theirs.  Very impressive.
Poor Israel came home from school that day with a stomach ache, and sure enough, caught my bug.  He handled it like a champ, and recovered really quickly, but now has a horrible head cold.  I can't wait for spring to "stick" so we can all get back to our healthy selves.
As the year progresses, the boys' teachers are growing less and less patient with them, and I am all too aware that they need to be diagnosed and posibly medicated.  I have been reluctant to do this, but it may be the best for them, in order for them to be able to get through school without a nearly daily incident.  I think of it as just part of the drill, but their teachers, who handle special need kids, are seeing it as abnormal and disruptive, even for special need kids.  And in the long run, it is drawing attention to them, which can be hurting their self-esteem.  So, I will finally assert myself to researching how I go about getting them assessed/treated during the course of this week.  With Spring break next week, I should be able to get them appointments so they don't have to miss any more school.
All the busy work that needs to be done is less stressful because of the beautiful weather that is forcasted for us this week.  It will mean a thaw and melt, which equals lots of muddy clothes/boots!  But at least, we won't have to rely on those darn snowpants much longer, they are starting to suffer the fate of all my boys pants, torn knees.  Do boys ever grow out of this?

Looking Forward

Things have been flowing along fairly smoothly lately, and I haven't been bloggin much due to a rearranging of our nightly schedule.  Now that both of the boys are computer literate, the time I actually get to use the computer is very limited.  It's good though, just like Israel, Zach is using phonics to spell out the sites he wants to visit, and he gets pretty close sometimes.  It always impresses me.
Israel's teacher told me how remarkable of a writer is, which was a relief to hear, as he had a lot of trouble with writing last year (1st grade).  When working on descriptive writing he would write things like, " I like dogs alot and alot and alot and alot.  I am a dog man."  That's an actual assignment he brought home.  While it made me laugh, I worried that he was not catching on to the whole concept of describing things.  So, to hear his current teacher say that he is a great writer, I am just happy as a clam!
Zach has been going through a phase where he doesn't want to take the bus home from school.  At the beginning of the year, I always picked him up, but now I let the bus bring him home, since the winter brought many slippery roads.  He will get over it.  I have told him that next year he will be going to the same school as Israel, and while he says he wants to stay at his current school, I know he will love Israel's school, and enjoy seeing Israel during the day, and riding the bus to and from school with him.  They are really pretty close, even though they fight.  I guess that's true of most siblings.
Even though the boys like the snow, I am looking forward to the warmer weather, to not having to pile on all the snow clothes, and walk so cautiously on the ice.  The boys have been talking a lot about swimming lately, and want to do it "a lot" this summer.  I guess it might be time to get them some swimming lessons.  If we have to be in this state another year, at least there are plenty of fun things to do in the summer time.  I'm looking forward to long, warm days with my smiling boys.

Regressions and Birthdays

It has been business as usual this week, just going about our normal routine.  Zach has had a few bad days at school, where he doesn't want to get dressed to go home, and has been wanting me to pick him up.  It is a little troubling, I could agree to pick him up from time to time, but I don't want him to get used to that, because once I get a job, I won't be able to.  It will be better next year, when he goes to the same school as Israel.  They are really close, and I can tell they take comfort in each other's company.  When they're not fighting, that is.
Israel has been having fairly good days lately, the most they complain about is him making excessive noise.  That is just his personality.  I understand (as do they) that he makes noise to drown out other noises, and a lot of times, he hums or sings without even realizing he's doing it.  I guess I can't feel too bad about him making noises, even though it's distractive.  Before he was diagnosed, he was hitting, kicking and pushing kids, and we've also been through periods of spitting (with both my kids), so while I don't condone the distractions he creates, making noises is not the worst thing he could be doing.  At least I am not getting calls to come pick him up all the time.
Zach has been having accidents at night.  It has been nearly a year since he'd peed the bed, but in the past few weeks, there have been several incidents.  I think it may have something to do with his sprained foot, which he is still refusing to walk normally on.  He is still on tiptoes, and it is starting to concern me, I may have to bring him to a different doctor to have it looked at again.  Did I mention how sick of doctors offices I am?  But I can't have him potentially shortening his calf muscles and tendons by walking on his tiptoes indefinitely.  So, I will try to get him an appointment next week.  Blah.
I can't believe there are only 4 months left of the school year.  There are pros and cons to having a 9 month school year.  I love the idea of summers off, so we can plan to do all kinds of things while the weather is nice.  It does get expensive to have full-time daycare for those 2 1/2 months though.  Ah well, we will take it as it comes. 
Last weekend the boys were busy playing in their bedroom, and all of the sudden I heard a chorus of meowing and barking.  I already had a smile on my face when I got to their doorway, and Israel explained that all of their stuffed animal friends birthdays had already passed, and we missed them, so they were throwing a party for them.  Cats, dogs, bears, Spongebob, and a zebra.  It was pretty adorable.  I am so glad my boys have the capacity to pretend.  It is truly precious, and so are they!

Spaghetti Beards

Guess what we had for dinner?  My boys rarely agree on foods, but one dish they can truly appreciate is spaghetti!  They both ate massive amounts of spaghetti tonight and played happily for the night.  Looks like we are off to a great start to the weekend.  Is there anything cuter than spaghetti-bearded kids?

Recovering Nicely

Well, Israel is now 2 days post-arm cast, and he is beginning to use his arm amazingly well.  Despite seeing the x-ray of a well-healed bone, I am still a nervous wreck when I see him running or fighting with his brother. He is quite prone to tripping, which is how the arm got broken in the first place.  Being forced to write with his left hand for 7 weeks, he is now ambidextrous and I found it quite amusing to see him sitting down to do homework, a pen in both hands, working away like a madman.  The coolest thing is, his penmenship as the same with either hand, which I find pretty impressive.  He was really worried about his arm when they took the cast off, and shed a good number of quiet tears in the doctors office, not wanting to move his arm or bend his fingers.  I had to set a time limit on him as to how long he was allowed to leave his jacket and mitten on after we got home, and had to coax him into a much-needed bath to revive his dry, flakey skin.  After the bath, he discovered he could bend his fingers much easier, and he hasn't looked back since.  I am happy he's doing so well with it.  I really didn't know what to expect since he is my guy who really doesn't handle transitions well. 
Zach is still walking on tiptoes due to spraining his foot a week and a half ago.  Though its not broken, he is still favoring it which makes me wonder if its time to get a second opinion.  I do catch him running on his tiptoes sometimes, and jumping gingerly on it, which leads me to believe this one may not be something to worry about.  Which is a relief, since our family has had 3 visits to the emergency room since December. 
Zach has a dental appointment scheduled for mid-March, which he will have  done at the hospital under anesthesia.  I am nervous about the whole thing, particularily the cost of it, if I get a job and lose our Medical Assistance.  But, as always, we will play it by ear and do what we can. 
I had a promising job interview last week, and will be going to that office to shadow for a few hours today.  While I am very excited at the prospect of having 2 incomes again, I am worried about how Zach will handle it when I go back to work.  I don't think Israel will be affected too much, because my husband will be here for them after school, and Israel and Garrett have a special bond, just like Zach and I do.  Zach is a little too attached to me, but the last few months have shown great improvement in his allowing Garrett to entertain him or get him what he needs.  Time will tell.  I was not unemployed by choice, and we definitely cannot afford to live on one income very much longer.  I can only hope that our extra time together was as rewarding to them as it was to me.

Adaptations

Today as I was getting my boys ready for school and dreaming of springtime, when we don't have to put on all that snow gear, I was struck by the realization that they don't hate the snow.  They actually love playing in it, despite their sensory issues.  They have rarely complained about the snow, cold and ice even though they had never been exposed to it before last year.  And, I am really impressed by how adaptable and tollerant they are.  I can't say the same about my husband and I, who have come to hate the snow, despite having grown up with it.  It's amazing how five years in the desert can change your whole perception of winter.  I used to love the snow when I was a kid, too.  It makes me wonder if I should be so impressed with my kids adaptation to the snow.  But its more than that, they've adapted so many times, to so many new experiences.  Israel has moved 3 times in his life, one of those was cross-country and included starting a new school.  He's been at his current school a little less than two years now, and has had to cope with multiple staffing changes, including his second grade teacher moving away a month into his school year, and several of his specialty helpers changing. And don't even get me started with the babysitters/daycare changes they've been through!  His teachers tell me that he doesn't handle transitions well, especially at the beginning of the school year, but I think, with all my kids have been expected to handle, they have adapted brilliantly, Autistic or not. 
Israel has good weeks and bad weeks at school.  I had his IEP meeting last week, and we agreed that his main problem area is in coping skills.  If something happens (for example, if someone is cheating or lying) he blows his top.  There has been a lot of F-bombs dropped this year, and it usually happens when someone is cheating while playing with him.  We are working on coping skills at home and at school.  At least his outbursts have gradually progressed from physical to verbal, that is a huge improvement!  Let me say that he is at a really great school.  I have said it before how gratful I am to the teacher who cared enough to look deeper to find out why he was behaving badly at school instead of just writing him off as a bad kid.  I can't say enough about her, she really gave him everything she had in her.  Now that he's moved onto second grade, I still see that teacher from time to time, and she always takes the time to say hello and ask about Israel.  She even told me that he was one of her very favorite students, and that she would always remember him.  The entire school staff has been amazing.  They really accomodate him in ways that are kind of rare in public education.  His current teacher, for instance, allows him to doodle while he is working on his math work or listening, because she realized that he was paying attention and catching everything that is being said, and that it might actually heighten his ability to stay focused.  The occupational therapist has incoorperated so many creative tools for him to help him relieve the stress he feels daily, and even the speech teacher is helping him learn how to socialize effectively, and helping with those coping skills.  This is an awesome team, and I am happy that Zach will be going to the same school next year. 
Zach's school is good too, I just see them trying to force him into their plan instead of individualizing his learning environment.  His special ed teacher even mentioned that we might want to have Zach medically diagnosed with Autism so that we might medicate him.  I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.  If he has needs, I would rather uncover what those needs are, and work through them, which will build coping skills he can use throughout his life, instead of medicating him so that he wont be disruptive.  As a parent, when you first hear the diagnosis, you take a deep breath and buckle up for the bumpy journey ahead, and deal with it the best you can.  There is a lot of learning we will do along the way. 
I wonder if any parents out there want to chime in on Autism medications. I'd love to get some input!

Doctors, UGH!

Let me just say that, no matter how much we do as parents, there will always be a guilty feeling that we have not done enough.  I was born into a family of very strong female role models, with a strong threshold for pain.  That being said, I am not in the habit of running to the doctor for every little sniffle, and I don't do so for my kids either.  That does not make me a very popular person with the doctors we've visited.  They look at me as if I am speaking in tongues when I tell them that my kids don't have a "regular doctor".  When something happens, we bring them to a clinic or more often, the emergency room.  Don't get me wrong, I hate to see my kids uncomfortable, and ask if they're OK a million times a day, including when they cough more than once or twice in a row.  But have you noticed how many things take care of themselves with either home remedies or simply waiting it out?  Even Pink Eye, the dreaded beast that everyone rushes straight to the doctor for because it looks horrible and it's (gasp!) contageous.  Yep, even the dreaded Pink Eye resolves itself in most cases.  Which leads me to wonder why we as a nation, rush our kids (and selves, for that matter) to the doctor's office so much.  I have spent too much time in doctors' offices lately, and I am exhausted from it all.
Last night was the magical night when Israel got his cast off.  That puppy went clear from the start of his fingers to his armpit, his elbow stuck at a 90 degree bend.  It had been on for 4 weeks, and we were all excited for him to get it off.  But the bones weren't completely healed, so he got a shorter cast on which he will wear for 3 more weeks.  That, I am hoping, will be the end of his appointments, at least for the arm.  The appointment itself was stressful, Israel was so scared when they were cutting the cast off, that he looked like he was going to pass out.  And there were a whole slew of emotions coming from him, and some tears.  But more than all of that, the waiting and waiting and waiting for the appointment.  Do doctors offices ever run on time?  We were there nearly two hours again, and the roads were horribly slippery when we were through, making the drive home stressful, then we had to get straight to work on homework so there would be enough time for bedtime procedures.  Maybe I'm just a baby about it all, but doctors appointments stress me out.
A couple nights ago, Zach twisted his foot while walking.  I say this without surprise, as he could trip over his own shadow.  I wasn't sure if he was just trying to get attention because we'd been talking about Israel's arm/cast a lot recently in the anticipation of him getting it removed.  But, I put an ace bandage on it, just in case, figuring the pampering wouldn't hurt him.  By the end of that evening he was feeling much better and even running on said foot.  Last night, though, he reinjured it, and refused to walk on it.  I wasn't sure how bad it was, I couldn't see any swelling, so we just bandaged it and gave him a little pain medicine at bedtime.  He had his first dental appointment scheduled today (first ever repair appointment, that is) and he was a little aprehensive about it.  Zach has always creeped into my room to sleep with me during the night.  Last night around 1AM he knocked on my door and I could hear him crying.  He was still refusing to walk on his foot so I got him tucked into bed with me and that is where worry began to set in.  Was I going to have to bring him to the doctor instead of his dentist, we'd been waiting so long to have the double coverage on insurance to be able to fix all the things wrong with his teeth.  Then there was the question of schools being delayed because of the roads, and what if he needed crutches, I don't think he's coordinated enough to be able to use them...
But I made him try to walk this morning, and he could.  Schools weren't delayed so I didn't have to worry how I was going to get them both to school and still keep Zach's appointment.  So, once Israel was on his bus, Zach and I braved the icy roads to get him to the dentists.  I had a lot of anxiety because I could tell Zach wasn't in the mood to try new things.  The waiting room has video games, that helped.  Then he went to sit in the chair, the dentist was, of course, running behind.  But this time, it was to our advantage because the dental assistant was very calming, and got Zach to talk and talk like he hardly ever does.  Then the dentist came in and she was minimally friendly.  I had wondered if she read his chart and noticed that he is on the spectrum, maybe she didn't see that.  She looked in his mouth with a mirror and quickly sat him back up, exclaiming that there was a significant change in the amount of damage from his last visit in late July, and what was the reason we hadn't started work on him.  I told them I lost my job, but that we now had medical assistance.  She took x-rays and revised his treatment plan, which was supposed to be 4 short visits.  Now, she was recommending the work be done at a hospital, under anesthesia.  She proceeded to fill some small cavities, just to see how he'd handle it.  He choked and squirmed and she started to lose patience with his movement and not wanting to keep biting on the rubber thing she'd shoved in his mouth.  I understand that she has a job to do, but when you specialize in PEDIATRIC dentistry, you ought to be a patient and gentle person.  I was sent to a side office to schedule his procedure and it only irritated me further when I was told that this particular doctor only does one per month, and she was backed up until May.  It is doubtful we will still have medical assistance by then, who knows, but if not, we certainly won't be able to afford the whole thing.  Now, I know his teeth are bad.  I know we should have had them taken care of a long time ago.  The money is a very real reason why we haven't been able to, but even more than that is the way Zach and my husband and I feel right now.  Zach now HATES the dentist, he practially RAN out of the office and begged to go to school.  Not a huge fan of school, but just to be anywhere but the dentist.  I feel sad for him, like they stepped all over his feelings or maybe more appropriately, didn't consider his feelings at all.  Maybe that dentist did look at his chart and did see he's on the spectrum, and maybe she just assumed that he didn't have a brain or feelings because of it.  Whatever the case, I have decided that I either want a different doctor to do the work, or I will go elsewhere.  I know it isn't comfortable for anyone to go to the dentist, but imagine being tortured by noises besides, and being scolded for squirming when something makes you uncomfortable.  He could have behaved much worse than he did, I was actually very proud of him.  
After all of that, I am so sick of doctors offices.  Don't get me wrong, Israel's team of professionals are absolutely the bees knees.  His orthopedic surgeon even works with the Packers and is a top-notch doctor.  I am just spent.  And there are still so many issues we've yet to tackle while we have this extra insurance.  Israel's cast again, Israel's possible diagnosis of ADHD, Zach's teeth, Zach's test of lead levels, Zach's hearing.  They want us to get them updated on their shots and I am just not sure I want to take that leap yet.  I know there has been so much controversy over vaccinations and Autism, but I am just not convinced that there isn't a connection since it was almost immediate the change in Zach after his 2 year vaccinations.  As a parent whose heart wrenches every time I see a set back or challenge that neurotypical kids don't have to face, it is just too big a risk for me to take.  And that is how I feel, no matter what doctor looks down their nose at me.

Laughter

Something funny happened a few days ago, and it really struck me.  Israel was trying to tickle Garrett's nose with a piece of fabric, and while he was doing it, Israel sneezed.  Israel, Garrett and I were all laughing, and Zach forced a laugh with the rest of us.  Israel and I continued laughing for about two minutes.  I was amazed that he could pick up on the irony of that situation, that he, the tickler, was the one who sneezed instead of the tickled.  It was bittersweet for me, because as genuinely proud as I was that Israel has the ability to pick up on things like that, I was equally sad that Zach doesn't seem to have that same ability.  Granted, he is 1 1/2 years younger, but Zach is much more of a black-and-white kind of thinker than Israel.  I have a feeling that Zach will never really "get" irony without it being explained. 
There are a multitude of differences in my boys and how they react to their invironment.  Israel understands mostly everything he encounters, but reacts very emotionally to even the smallest things.  Zach is pretty easy going but get easily frustrated by challenges, particularily those that involve motor skills.  Both are growing up so fast, I can't imagine what they will be like as teens.  Sometimes that thought scares me more than I would like to admit.

Missing the Chaos

I will admit it, with two boys on the spectrum, our lives are pretty chaotic most of the time, but when my boys are gone, I sure do miss that chaos.  My mom has them for a few days, and even though the quiet time with my husband has been nice, I am eagerly awaiting having them back home to kiss their cheeks and rub their backs.  I know there will be fighting and whining, but I say, BRING IT ON! 
My husband was talking to a friend, and telling them what it is like to raise two Autistic kids, and he brought up the dark comments they make, which I hadn't thought about collectively too much.  Israel began making dark comments at the age of six, right before he was diagnosed.  When Garrett would wake him for school, he would tell him, "I'm going to cut your head off"  and if something really small would bother him, he would announce that he was going to kill himself.  This could be brought on by something as small as forcing him to decide what he wants for breakfast.  Zach has said really dark things to Garrett as well, like that he wants Garrett to die, and he used to tell him to go away when Garrett would try to give him goodnight kisses or even stroke his hair.  Israel doesn't say the darkest things anymore, but he does get really down on himself when he makes a mistake, and says that he's the worst, and the stupidest.  I think that is ADHD talking, but we still haven't had him diagnosed.  Now that the chaos of Christmas is done, we will get him an appointment.  All of it makes me wonder what kind of darkness they are living with every day.  They know they are different from other kids, but they don't understand it.  And as parents, we do our best to try and learn and comfort, but it's hard to comfort when your child doesn't like to be touched.  So, the whole process will continue to be a learning process, for them, lifelong.  I know they were given these challenges for a reason, and that they will overcome them with grace.  They have no idea what they are capable of, but I do!

Blessings in Disguise.

Last weekend was chaos!  Friday was Zach's first Christmas concert ever, and he did so great despite his special ed teacher having reservations.  Although he faced my camcorder the whole time, instead of his teacher, he stayed in place and sang almost every word, and smiled.  I was as proud as any parent could be!  When it was done, I got to bring him home early and fuss over him for a few hours before picking up his brother.  When we were home, the boys played so well together, taking turns, using manners.  At points, Israel was being so helpful and polite to Zach, that I felt I got a glimpse at what it would be like to raise two neurotypical children, and how helpful a seven year old would be to his younger brother.  I was in great spirits. 
Then, just as I was about to announce it was time for "movie time", which is quiet, bedroom time in our house, I heard Israel crying in a horrifying manner.  I could see his misshapen, broken arm under his shirt and when I instructed him to pull up his sleeve, what I saw had me struggling to keep from passing out.  His arm, from elbow to fingers formed an "S" shape, fingers and wrist dislocated, forearm broken and sticking out at strange angles.  Luckily, we live in nursing/medicine-based city, and several great hospitals are just minutes away.  We all loaded in the car and got him to the ER, where he was whisked into a room immediately, given a fluffy bear to settle him, and taken care of like a prince.  The ER doc was able to get his wrist and fingers back into place, but the poor guy had to wait 16 hours before undergoing his procedure to get the bones back in place and have a cast.  The whole time, Israel was quiet and cooperative, and so very brave.  He didn't ask for more Morphine than he needed, and didn't complain.  He went through the procedure and came out of the anesthesia smiling and making jokes, able to drink and eat right away.  I can't say that he hasn't been frustrated that he is having to stay inside for recess, and can't climb in the snow banks like his classmates, but all in all, he is handling it very well, and even insists on trying to do things on his own.  He is very resilliant; can even write pretty good with his left hand.
Zach had a really tough time with the whole thing.  He was making a line of trucks in their bedroom and Israel tripped on a truck and caught himself funny on the mattress, that's how it happened.  When I went to get Zach ready for the hospital, he asked if Israel hurt himself because of the trucks and I said I wasn't sure, but Zach immediately started crying about it.  Then he saw Israel's arm and cried and cried and cried.  At the hospital, he was telling each passerby what happened, most of the time with his head down in shame, sometimes with tears.  It took both my husband and I to keep the situation sane, one comforting Israel and talking to the medical staff, one to confort Zach and reassure him that it was just an accident and nobody's fault. 
Despite Israel being frustrated and Zach feeling guilty, I have seen some really sweet things going on between the two of them.  Zach has been being quite helpful to Israel, telling him to be careful when he is walking on snow or running, offering to help him maneuver.  And last night, when Israel reminded me that I forgot to give him an extra pillow to prop up his cast, Zach took his own pillow off his bed to give to Israel.  When Israel asked why Zach did that, I looked down at him and said, "Because Zach loves you very much."  Israel looked at me with the biggest eyes ever, and looked like he was going to cry; I could tell he was touched by that.
So, even though there will still always be fights and competition for attention, this bad event actually brought us all a little closer.  Sometimes blessings come in disguise.

Eyes, Blizzards, and Goopy Noses

For the past two winters that we have been back in the midwest, we have started winter off with a blizzard.  This year, Blizzard Aiden.  About a foot of snow and winds upwards of 40MPH.  The boys LOVE snow, and didn't even fuss too much about the wind and cold temps, which amazes me.  Despite their sensory issues, they overcome them because of the novelty of snow. 
Zach has caught a winter cold, and has the goopiest nose.  He insists on wiping it anywhere but a tissue, which is super disgusting.  We are still working on the tissue issue, hoping he will catch on.  If I am not readily available for him, he will wipe it anywhere.  I am happy he is finally starting to get the hang of blowing his nose, up until recently, he would always just suck it back in, instead of blowing it out of his nose.  In due time, I hope.  At least he's not a picker like Israel, man is that a hard habbit to break!  I need a good line to tell them, to scare them into not picking.  I told Israel that he is putting germs in there that will cause sores, but it has only happened a couple times, and he only half believes me.  Maybe a reward system will work better.
Israel's other issue is his eyes.  Just in the last month or so, he has been blinking hard, almost like when you get goop in your eyes.  I have asked him several times why he does it, and he says that it hurts to look at faces, or that sometimes when he is looking at something he feels like he can't look at it any longer, he has to look away.  This seems to be a relatively new sensory issue for him, I'm hoping it will be temporary, but I am reminded of a time when he was 4, he was turning his head and closing one eye when looking at things.  I brought him to an optometrist that I trust, and he said it is a common problem for kids that age, that his eyes weren't working together to form one image, so he was accomodating.  After a few short weeks, he stopped so I didn't think anything of it.  That was before he was diagnosed.
Israel also got a new special ed teacher, and she seems so warm and friendly!!!  Yay, victory!  What a blessing to have a warm person in that position.  Not that his other special ed teacher wasn't, she just seemed to be a little drained from dealing with him.  Anyway, looking forward to some positive things coming from the change.
The weekend's blizzard delayed school by 2 hours today, and both the boys enjoyed it immensely.  We spent the morning playing games, and they went off to school in great moods.  Here begins another week.  Only eight more days til Christmas vacation.  We are all looking forward to that!

Pulling Teeth

We are having teeth issues in the house this week.  Yesterday, Zach came home from school with his shirt pulled up into his mouth, chewing on it.  The entire front of his shirt was soaked almost all the way from the neck to the bottom.  I guess he was "edgy" all day, he told me the noise, sights and smells were bothering him.  Maybe he was nervous about the impending idiocracy his school displayed by sending him out in 21 degree tempuratures without his hat, scarf, and mittens on.  Today, Israel was the one with issues.  It takes that kid more than five minutes to brush his teeth.  And, while I am delighted that he cares about his dental hiegene,  we usually run out of time for him to brush thouroughly enough, because every preceeding activity requires countless reminders to stay on task.  "Israel, eat your food."  "Israel eat your food."  "Israel, focus on getting dressed."  "Remember when I told you to get dressed two minutes ago."  "You're still not dressed?"  UGH!  He gets upset and says that I am rushing him, which makes me feel bad, but I try to make him understand that his actions and lack of focus are what is causing me to have to rush him.  We have plenty of time to get everything ready each morning, but he is so easily distracted that each activity becomes a chore for both of us.  At seven, he should be dressing himself, and I know he knows how, but if I am not there to speed things along, it can take 10-15 minutes and a ton of reminders for him to get dressed.  Eating is the same story.  Don't even get me STARTED about math homework!  We are just waiting for the verification of our HMO choice and we can have him seen.
Zach was very exhausted from overstimulation after school last night, and spent the majority of the evening meowing and whimpering instead of talking.  He didn't want anything to do with Garrett, and even went to the extreme of turning his head away if and sticking his hand in Garrett's face.  He was in the mood that drives me nuts, the mood where he throws everything he can get his hands on.  I wish I knew why he does it, and I have tried to ask him so many times, to no avail.  It can be very dangerous, because he doesn't care what it is, he'll throw anything, and multiple times a day. 
We had our first snow on Wednesday, just a light dusting on the ground.  To my surprise, the boys have both said they love it, and despite the cold temps, they played out in it for a couple hours.  I am surprised their senses were not overloaded/insulted by the cold and wind.  Zach keeps telling me he loves this city, but when summer comes and the mosquitos and spiders come out, he changes his mind and starts asking about Las Vegas.  Both of the boys are allergic to mosquitos and since they both grew up in Las Vegas, last year was their first full-blown experience with them.  Zach's reaction was so bad after 4th of July, that it resulted in one of his eyes being swollen almost completely shut.  Yuck.  We'll get back to Vegas someday, and I'm sure the kids will adapt nicely.  For being on the spectrum, it is fortunate that they are so adaptable.  As for this week, I am happy it is nearly over for them.  It's almost noon and my phone has been quiet, maybe they earned their incentive trip to McDonalds this weekend after all.