I will admit it, with two boys on the spectrum, our lives are pretty chaotic most of the time, but when my boys are gone, I sure do miss that chaos. My mom has them for a few days, and even though the quiet time with my husband has been nice, I am eagerly awaiting having them back home to kiss their cheeks and rub their backs. I know there will be fighting and whining, but I say, BRING IT ON!
My husband was talking to a friend, and telling them what it is like to raise two Autistic kids, and he brought up the dark comments they make, which I hadn't thought about collectively too much. Israel began making dark comments at the age of six, right before he was diagnosed. When Garrett would wake him for school, he would tell him, "I'm going to cut your head off" and if something really small would bother him, he would announce that he was going to kill himself. This could be brought on by something as small as forcing him to decide what he wants for breakfast. Zach has said really dark things to Garrett as well, like that he wants Garrett to die, and he used to tell him to go away when Garrett would try to give him goodnight kisses or even stroke his hair. Israel doesn't say the darkest things anymore, but he does get really down on himself when he makes a mistake, and says that he's the worst, and the stupidest. I think that is ADHD talking, but we still haven't had him diagnosed. Now that the chaos of Christmas is done, we will get him an appointment. All of it makes me wonder what kind of darkness they are living with every day. They know they are different from other kids, but they don't understand it. And as parents, we do our best to try and learn and comfort, but it's hard to comfort when your child doesn't like to be touched. So, the whole process will continue to be a learning process, for them, lifelong. I know they were given these challenges for a reason, and that they will overcome them with grace. They have no idea what they are capable of, but I do!
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