Israel woke up crabby today, which always sets the tone for the day. I never know what mood I will get him in upon waking. Fortunately, he has been in a fair and even mood for the majority of wake-ups this school year, but days like today remind me of times when he would make horrible comments like, "I'm going to cut your neck off" or "I'm going to kill you!" over something so innocent as asking him what he wants for breakfast, or reassuring him that yes, he does have to go to school. Today it was because he wanted "freezer raviolis" for breakfast and I told him no because they take too long to make. He had a fit, turned away with a scowl and said, "Fine! Then I won't eat anything and I won't watch Spongebob either!" I used to get angry and try to reason with him when he was in this mood, but now I just go along with it. "OK, then you will be really hungry all day, and if you misbehave at school your teacher and Daddy and I will be very unhappy with you." He finally, grouchily agreed on something else, and gobbled it up with pleasure once it was in front of him. I was feeling a bit discombobulated this morning and couldn't get my timing on, so we ran a little too late for him to get an adequate dose of caffeine, but he did get a few sips of coffee, and by the time we got to the bus stop, he was asking if I think it would be awesome if he has another great day in a row. He smiled at me sweetly and promised to try. I make sure he understands that having a good day and making good choices makes HIM feel better, that it's not just for everyone else. It will be interesting to see how his day goes. Yesterday he had absolutely zero caffeine and had a great day. That's the puzzle with him, his mood changes so quickly I never know what to expect.
Zach was his usual, perky self this morning. He doesn't like it when the sun "isn't up yet" when he wakes, and today was cloudy and drizzling, so he was concerned that the sun wouldn't come out before school. If I think about it in his terms, that is probably his best indicator he has to judge what time it is. Maybe he assumed it would be too early. Anyway, he worked through his morning very well, and even had a few spare minutes to make a picture of the wind before climbing on his bus. I don't get much feedback from his teachers, so I assume his days go good. It will be interesting to see how he does in "normal" first grade next year.
I have promised to bring them to McDonald's playland this weekend if they both have a good week all week. They are impatient, but I think the incentives do work. We will see.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Back in the Swing
The Thanksgiving holiday was pleasant, very relaxing and the boys played very well togther. To my surprise, I had to do very little re-directing. Israel had his whiney moments, but I am trying to expand my level of tollerance, and caffeinated him less than if he were at school. There were times when the boys were laughing together during play, and as good as that feels for neurotypical kid parents, it feels exceptionally great for me. Israel can understand when someone is speaking figuratively and "gets" jokes, but Zach doesn't have that ability. For Zach, everything is black and white, literal. So he has trained himself to force a laugh when others are laughing. It looks very strange, because his face is forced into a smile, but for some reason his eyebrows are usually scowling, and there is a strange forced laugh. It is his way of fitting in, and makes it slightly less obvious that he isn't on the same page as others. It gives me a little glimmer of hope that he can be convincing one day, and that most of those social skills can be learned, but mostly, that he wants to make the effort to share and be a part of others' conversations.
Zach will be turning six in just three months, and seems to be growing so fast. My favorite recent development is his relationship with Garrett(my husband). When Zach was born, Israel was just 1 1/2 years, and it just happened that Garrett usually dealt with Israel's needs while I handled Zach. That meant that Zach got most of my attention, and Israel got Garrett's attention. It wasn't planned, it just sort of took on a life of its own. Even to this day, Zach still comes to me with problems, and Israel leans toward Garrett. Zach has been so attached to me that he has said really hurtful things to Garrett like, "I don't like you, I only love Mommy." and even tells him to go away. It has really bothered me and I am sure to let Zach know that he is not allowed to talk to ANYONE that way, but especially not his daddy, who loves him very much. It has only been in the last couple of weeks that Zach has begun "warming up" to Garrett. Whenever he does something good, I tell him to show/tell 'Daddy' and Garrett has always made an extra effort to make a fuss over Zach's work. In the past couple weeks, Zach has progressed to leading Garrett by the hand to show him things, and even snuggling on the couch next to Garrett. Usually when Garrett is on the couch, Zach sees that as the perfect opportunity to jump as hard as he can on top of him. Even though he's a body builder, he is human, and a 50-something pound kid jumping at full force, is not good for anyone's body. I don't know why he does that to Garrett, he has never done that to me, but I don't allow it because it hurts. Garrett is the one who always plays with the boys, makes them giggle and squeal, I just don't know why Zach feels the need to jump on him, and then, even if he lays nicely on Garrett, he still ends up grinding his head into Garrett's. Time and again we ask him if he needs to be squished, but he says no and keeps pressing their skulls together. It is the strangest thing. So, yesterday when we were all hanging out in the living room, Zach knew I had a sore knee, so he chose to go snuggle by Garrett and even though it only lasted a few minutes, it was really great to see. And later when Iwas in another room, Zach had wanted to tell me something but realized I wasn't in the room. Instead of seeking me out to tell me, he told Garrett. I realize the progress is small, but to me, significant. And every bit of progress that my kids make, gives me hope that their future can and will be so bright!
Zach will be turning six in just three months, and seems to be growing so fast. My favorite recent development is his relationship with Garrett(my husband). When Zach was born, Israel was just 1 1/2 years, and it just happened that Garrett usually dealt with Israel's needs while I handled Zach. That meant that Zach got most of my attention, and Israel got Garrett's attention. It wasn't planned, it just sort of took on a life of its own. Even to this day, Zach still comes to me with problems, and Israel leans toward Garrett. Zach has been so attached to me that he has said really hurtful things to Garrett like, "I don't like you, I only love Mommy." and even tells him to go away. It has really bothered me and I am sure to let Zach know that he is not allowed to talk to ANYONE that way, but especially not his daddy, who loves him very much. It has only been in the last couple of weeks that Zach has begun "warming up" to Garrett. Whenever he does something good, I tell him to show/tell 'Daddy' and Garrett has always made an extra effort to make a fuss over Zach's work. In the past couple weeks, Zach has progressed to leading Garrett by the hand to show him things, and even snuggling on the couch next to Garrett. Usually when Garrett is on the couch, Zach sees that as the perfect opportunity to jump as hard as he can on top of him. Even though he's a body builder, he is human, and a 50-something pound kid jumping at full force, is not good for anyone's body. I don't know why he does that to Garrett, he has never done that to me, but I don't allow it because it hurts. Garrett is the one who always plays with the boys, makes them giggle and squeal, I just don't know why Zach feels the need to jump on him, and then, even if he lays nicely on Garrett, he still ends up grinding his head into Garrett's. Time and again we ask him if he needs to be squished, but he says no and keeps pressing their skulls together. It is the strangest thing. So, yesterday when we were all hanging out in the living room, Zach knew I had a sore knee, so he chose to go snuggle by Garrett and even though it only lasted a few minutes, it was really great to see. And later when Iwas in another room, Zach had wanted to tell me something but realized I wasn't in the room. Instead of seeking me out to tell me, he told Garrett. I realize the progress is small, but to me, significant. And every bit of progress that my kids make, gives me hope that their future can and will be so bright!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
2 Good Days
Israel's teacher communicates with how his day went by filling out a "smiley" sheet. For each activity during the day, she judges his performance on how many times he has to be redirected, reminded or talked to. There is also room for comments like, "Spit on classmate" or "stabbed someone with pencil" or more common, " wouldn't listen, climbed under desk." I promised him that if he got all smileys on Monday (yesterday) that I would bring him Subway and eat lunch with him. He got all smileys yesterday, so we had a special lunch together today. When I arrived, his special ed teacher said he was very excited about our lunch, and had been talking about it all day. That made me feel great. While I know he liked his lunch, I could tell how much the noise of the lunchroom was bothering him. All the kids who were sitting near us, were asking me questions, and I found myself feeling very shy and awkward. It led me to wonder, once again, if I am Autistic too. I have always been painfully shy, and find it awkward and difficult to start a conversation with people I don't know. It's a wonder I am married, my husband is very charismatic and outgoing and I am quite introverted. Since my boys have been diagnosed, I have been learning more and more about the spectrum, and I think I have a lot of characteristics of Autism. Then again, I think everyone has at least some characteristics. Too bad I didn't get a savant skill.
With our short week over, we are all looking forward to five days of sleeping in and hanging out together. Many movies will be watched! I am thankful for my beautiful family. There are few days that pass when I don't shake my head and wonder how I got so lucky!
With our short week over, we are all looking forward to five days of sleeping in and hanging out together. Many movies will be watched! I am thankful for my beautiful family. There are few days that pass when I don't shake my head and wonder how I got so lucky!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Battles
Whew! We made it through Saturday. For me, it was a pretty productive day, I got a lot of house cleaning done, which means that my boys were entertaining each other while I was busy. That, of course, led to the full spectrum of fighting, taunting, tantrums, whining and stomp-offs. When we try to redirect Israel, he takes it to heart and begins self-deficating. Complimenting Zach has the same effect. If we say, "Wow Zach, you drew a good 'Z'", Israel's comment will be, "I'm the worst at drawing Z's. You like Zach's Z's way better than mine. I'm a bad kid." This, is always accompanied by tears, and sometimes hitting himself in the head. Everything with Israel is a comparison and he automatically assumes the worst. Sometimes he reacts so dramatically to the smallest thing, that my husband will say, "We're not giving out any Emmy's today, kid." It is so frustrating, and this is not the Autism, but these are all symptoms of ADHD. The Autism does complicate things tremendously though, because not only does Israel have his own sensory issues that make him react in unpredictable and annoying ways, but Zach is also constantly reacting to stimuli, and Israel is often the outlet of his outbursts.
Yesterday's challenge was in trying to get Israel to drink enough caffeine to even out his mood/ hyperactivity. This becomes a challenge if I am not constantly sitting next to him to remind him to take another drink. He is also starting to resist the caffeine therapy, he says it makes him sleepy. Can't wait to have him diagnosed, I know he's not happy with things the way they are. My happy moment for yesterday, was that Israel fell asleep immediately, it didn't take an hour of struggle and torment to get him to sleep. What a gift for both of us! Israel has taken in 3/4 cup of coffee today, which seems to work better than any other form of caffeine, and he is so helpful, happy and relaxed today. Coffee is amazing!
Zach had a sudden and aweful stomach flu last weekend, and has been a little "off" since, a little less active, and considerably less talkative, particularily when stimuli are bothering him. He is acting more and speaking less. I think his Early Childhood teacher was very in tuned to him and knew how to encourage him to talk about how he was feeling inside, so that when he felt like his body needed to be squished (Autistic children often derive a comfortable escape from sensory overload by having pressure applied to their bodies or mouths-chewing) he could tell us what he needed. Today, for instance, Israel was jumping on my bed, which was giving him some sort of inner peace, but Zach was laying on the bed next to where Israel was jumping, and the stimulus was bothering him. Usually, Zach would say, "Israel, stop jumping!" with a scowl, and then we could draw out of him that it was bothering him, but today he doesn't feel like talking much, so instead he started to throw his own legs under where Israel was jumping, making Israel lose his balance. It makes it much more difficult when Zach doesn't tell us what he needs. It was hard to tell if he was trying to trip Israel so that he would land on him, giving him the pressure-therapy he was seeking, or if the stimulus was just simply annoying him. Letting him know that he needs to tell us what he needs with words, so we can help, was equally difficult. For as much as Zach was not going to talk, he was equally unwilling to listen to reason, he was already past a point of being able to "be with us" in the moment. He stuck his hand in my face, as if to say, 'Back off', self-comforted by gently brushing the excess portion of his pillowcase over his nose and mouth, and then played with water in the bathroom sink. The movement and sensation of water seems to calm him, so I indulge him, even though it is messy.
Tomorrow starts another busy week, but at least there are only 2 days of school for the boys this week. I promised Israel if he is good on Monday, that I will bring him a special lunch and eat with him on Tuesday. I am hoping that will be incentive enough for him to behave at school. Last week he was sent home early twice for spitting and acting wild. We started giving him caffeine for breakfast on Tuesday, and sending some with him, and it seemed to help a lot, but he didn't get enough caffeine on Friday, and was causing constant problems for his class, spitting on kids and his teacher. They have threatened to make him wear a mask if he doesn't stop spitting. I can't imagine what that would do to his self-esteem. I have asked him so many times why he does it and the answers range from "I was distracted" to " I have icky stuff in my mouth." I am starting to wonder if he is having swallowing issues, which can be common with Autistic kids, but we haven't noticed it until recently. I am so greatful that his teacher and helpers are patient but firm. As much as threats bother him, it seems like whatever is driving his body to do these behaviors is stronger. This weekend he was grounded from playing with his friend, the computer, and the iPod. It has been hard on him, but he understands that if he makes bad choices, he gets priveleges taken away. He has appologized to me a lot this weekend, sometimes in an effort to get me to change my mind about the punishment, and sometimes genuine. It is a start.
Sundays are all about family time. Since I lost my job, my husband has been working 6 days a week and we haven't seen much of him, so we have been spending Sundays watching movies and playing games. It always makes for a good day, but these weekends go so fast! Tonight, we will make the shift back into "school mode" and there will be a little grumbling, but by the time the buses come to pick them up, we'll have hit our stride. And that is when I begin to hold my breath and pray my phone doesn't ring!
Yesterday's challenge was in trying to get Israel to drink enough caffeine to even out his mood/ hyperactivity. This becomes a challenge if I am not constantly sitting next to him to remind him to take another drink. He is also starting to resist the caffeine therapy, he says it makes him sleepy. Can't wait to have him diagnosed, I know he's not happy with things the way they are. My happy moment for yesterday, was that Israel fell asleep immediately, it didn't take an hour of struggle and torment to get him to sleep. What a gift for both of us! Israel has taken in 3/4 cup of coffee today, which seems to work better than any other form of caffeine, and he is so helpful, happy and relaxed today. Coffee is amazing!
Zach had a sudden and aweful stomach flu last weekend, and has been a little "off" since, a little less active, and considerably less talkative, particularily when stimuli are bothering him. He is acting more and speaking less. I think his Early Childhood teacher was very in tuned to him and knew how to encourage him to talk about how he was feeling inside, so that when he felt like his body needed to be squished (Autistic children often derive a comfortable escape from sensory overload by having pressure applied to their bodies or mouths-chewing) he could tell us what he needed. Today, for instance, Israel was jumping on my bed, which was giving him some sort of inner peace, but Zach was laying on the bed next to where Israel was jumping, and the stimulus was bothering him. Usually, Zach would say, "Israel, stop jumping!" with a scowl, and then we could draw out of him that it was bothering him, but today he doesn't feel like talking much, so instead he started to throw his own legs under where Israel was jumping, making Israel lose his balance. It makes it much more difficult when Zach doesn't tell us what he needs. It was hard to tell if he was trying to trip Israel so that he would land on him, giving him the pressure-therapy he was seeking, or if the stimulus was just simply annoying him. Letting him know that he needs to tell us what he needs with words, so we can help, was equally difficult. For as much as Zach was not going to talk, he was equally unwilling to listen to reason, he was already past a point of being able to "be with us" in the moment. He stuck his hand in my face, as if to say, 'Back off', self-comforted by gently brushing the excess portion of his pillowcase over his nose and mouth, and then played with water in the bathroom sink. The movement and sensation of water seems to calm him, so I indulge him, even though it is messy.
Tomorrow starts another busy week, but at least there are only 2 days of school for the boys this week. I promised Israel if he is good on Monday, that I will bring him a special lunch and eat with him on Tuesday. I am hoping that will be incentive enough for him to behave at school. Last week he was sent home early twice for spitting and acting wild. We started giving him caffeine for breakfast on Tuesday, and sending some with him, and it seemed to help a lot, but he didn't get enough caffeine on Friday, and was causing constant problems for his class, spitting on kids and his teacher. They have threatened to make him wear a mask if he doesn't stop spitting. I can't imagine what that would do to his self-esteem. I have asked him so many times why he does it and the answers range from "I was distracted" to " I have icky stuff in my mouth." I am starting to wonder if he is having swallowing issues, which can be common with Autistic kids, but we haven't noticed it until recently. I am so greatful that his teacher and helpers are patient but firm. As much as threats bother him, it seems like whatever is driving his body to do these behaviors is stronger. This weekend he was grounded from playing with his friend, the computer, and the iPod. It has been hard on him, but he understands that if he makes bad choices, he gets priveleges taken away. He has appologized to me a lot this weekend, sometimes in an effort to get me to change my mind about the punishment, and sometimes genuine. It is a start.
Sundays are all about family time. Since I lost my job, my husband has been working 6 days a week and we haven't seen much of him, so we have been spending Sundays watching movies and playing games. It always makes for a good day, but these weekends go so fast! Tonight, we will make the shift back into "school mode" and there will be a little grumbling, but by the time the buses come to pick them up, we'll have hit our stride. And that is when I begin to hold my breath and pray my phone doesn't ring!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I love Saturdays
I love Saturdays. It is not because it is 9:30 AM and I am still in my loungewear, or that I got to sleep-in, it's not even the fact that I get to spend the day with my boys. For me the joy of Saturday comes from the realization that for today, I won't get the call to come pick up my disruptive kids from school because they are behaving too badly or putting others in harm's way. I won't get the call asking for my input into what is different, why they are doing what they are doing, what I think could make the behavior stop. For today, the madness belongs just to me, and I embrace it because from the minute I got the news that both my boys were on the Autism spectrum, I accepted a certain level of chaos that most parents of "nuerotypical' (non-Autistic) children don't have to deal with. I know a lot of parents have it worse than me, and there are billions of moments when I am in full realization of all my blessings, but after a really tough week, I decided it would be good for my mental health to have an outlet.
My younger son, Zach, was diagnosed shortly after his third birthday, after a short and disasterous stint in daycare. His aggressive, unpredictible behavior, coupled with a speech delay and short temper made for multiple calls to come pick him up from daycare, thus making my husband and I miss a lot of work. Finally, we were told he would not be allowed to attend the center anymore, and recommended he be evaluated for Autism. At the time, I knew little about the condition, and it only conjured up images of an extremely impaired person, most likely wheelchair-bound. When I saw Jenny McCarthy speaking about her son, a light went on. So many things began to make sense, he wasn't behaving badly out of spite, his senses were being raked over with razors. The diagnosis gave us a good starting place, and when we moved to Wisconsin, he started Early Childhood at the age of four. I have nothing but respect for the teachers and professionals who helped him, he made amazing progress. Now he is in an integrated kindergarten, a classroom that has a mix of neurotypical and special needs kids, and his progress amazes me on nearly a daily basis.
My older son, Israel was diagnosed at the age of six, in first grade. I have to give credit to the teacher who cared enough to dig a little deeper and not just write him off as a bad kid or product of poor parenting. Israel has always been extremely smart. He began speaking at 3 months and never looked back. He has the most amazing, clever mind, and thinks of ways to use objects that I never would have thought of, and can create a Rube Goldberg design in mere minutes. Every teacher who has worked with him has commented on how smart he is. We never suspected anything was wrong with him because he was so verbal and smart, and he was nothing like Zach. Then he started disrupting the class on nearly a daily basis, tapping his pencil, kicking his chair, humming loudly while the teacher was trying to instruct, rolling on the floor, hiding under his desk, even hitting, kicking, punching kids with seemingly no reason. His temper grew shorter and his speech started to be interrupted by long pauses, almost stutter-like patterns, waiting for his brain to catch up so he could tell you what he was thinking. After a long, trying year, he was finally evaluated and diagnosed as High Functioning Autistic. The diagnosis helped explain a lot of his behaviors, and though it is not something any parent wants to be told, it gave us the chance to move on.
For Zach, the question of lead levels came up when he started acting so unpredictable at school, and he also seems to have a hearing impairment, and has very bad teeth. This year when they were testing his high pitch noises at school, the area he seems to have trouble hearing, he started trembling, his eyes rolled back in his head and he was unresponsive for about 10 seconds. When I asked him what happened, he said he heard a loud noise that hurt his ears.
For Israel, our challenge is never ending. We are fairly sure he is ADHD, and it has made our lives particularily difficult. The constant distractions at school, immediate and dramatic reaction and tantrums have made it extremely trying, and they don't end when his school day does. The only thing that seems to calm him is caffeine. So, after we get through some red tape with our insurance, we will have him diagnosed and medicated. He is so smart, but he just can't keep focused long enough to show it or to learn. Sometimes I wonder if he was mis-diagnosed, and truly only has ADHD. Whatever the case, he is not medicated for the Autism, and if he does have ADHD, things will fall into place nicely once he is medicated. I am not one of those parents who worries about medicating him, because I have seen him on caffeine and off, and he is miserable when he is not on caffeine. He tells me how bad he feels, he calls it feeling 'wild', and he tells me, "I should be ashamed of myself!" and I feel so bad for him. I tell him it is not his fault, that his body just needs something it doesn't have yet and that we will reach a solution together. What else can a parent do?
My kids are my the center of my world, and though we have challenges, I wouldn't trade my life for anything!
My younger son, Zach, was diagnosed shortly after his third birthday, after a short and disasterous stint in daycare. His aggressive, unpredictible behavior, coupled with a speech delay and short temper made for multiple calls to come pick him up from daycare, thus making my husband and I miss a lot of work. Finally, we were told he would not be allowed to attend the center anymore, and recommended he be evaluated for Autism. At the time, I knew little about the condition, and it only conjured up images of an extremely impaired person, most likely wheelchair-bound. When I saw Jenny McCarthy speaking about her son, a light went on. So many things began to make sense, he wasn't behaving badly out of spite, his senses were being raked over with razors. The diagnosis gave us a good starting place, and when we moved to Wisconsin, he started Early Childhood at the age of four. I have nothing but respect for the teachers and professionals who helped him, he made amazing progress. Now he is in an integrated kindergarten, a classroom that has a mix of neurotypical and special needs kids, and his progress amazes me on nearly a daily basis.
My older son, Israel was diagnosed at the age of six, in first grade. I have to give credit to the teacher who cared enough to dig a little deeper and not just write him off as a bad kid or product of poor parenting. Israel has always been extremely smart. He began speaking at 3 months and never looked back. He has the most amazing, clever mind, and thinks of ways to use objects that I never would have thought of, and can create a Rube Goldberg design in mere minutes. Every teacher who has worked with him has commented on how smart he is. We never suspected anything was wrong with him because he was so verbal and smart, and he was nothing like Zach. Then he started disrupting the class on nearly a daily basis, tapping his pencil, kicking his chair, humming loudly while the teacher was trying to instruct, rolling on the floor, hiding under his desk, even hitting, kicking, punching kids with seemingly no reason. His temper grew shorter and his speech started to be interrupted by long pauses, almost stutter-like patterns, waiting for his brain to catch up so he could tell you what he was thinking. After a long, trying year, he was finally evaluated and diagnosed as High Functioning Autistic. The diagnosis helped explain a lot of his behaviors, and though it is not something any parent wants to be told, it gave us the chance to move on.
For Zach, the question of lead levels came up when he started acting so unpredictable at school, and he also seems to have a hearing impairment, and has very bad teeth. This year when they were testing his high pitch noises at school, the area he seems to have trouble hearing, he started trembling, his eyes rolled back in his head and he was unresponsive for about 10 seconds. When I asked him what happened, he said he heard a loud noise that hurt his ears.
For Israel, our challenge is never ending. We are fairly sure he is ADHD, and it has made our lives particularily difficult. The constant distractions at school, immediate and dramatic reaction and tantrums have made it extremely trying, and they don't end when his school day does. The only thing that seems to calm him is caffeine. So, after we get through some red tape with our insurance, we will have him diagnosed and medicated. He is so smart, but he just can't keep focused long enough to show it or to learn. Sometimes I wonder if he was mis-diagnosed, and truly only has ADHD. Whatever the case, he is not medicated for the Autism, and if he does have ADHD, things will fall into place nicely once he is medicated. I am not one of those parents who worries about medicating him, because I have seen him on caffeine and off, and he is miserable when he is not on caffeine. He tells me how bad he feels, he calls it feeling 'wild', and he tells me, "I should be ashamed of myself!" and I feel so bad for him. I tell him it is not his fault, that his body just needs something it doesn't have yet and that we will reach a solution together. What else can a parent do?
My kids are my the center of my world, and though we have challenges, I wouldn't trade my life for anything!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)